Once upon a time, Hestrie Cloete inspired me to write a piece for the Sunday Times Lifestyle supplement. She and her husband, Jurie Els, had invited Huisgenoot into their home to view their new progeny, a little girl. They had bestowed on the poor child the ghastly moniker of Chrizette. She would have to go […]
2009
Posted inLifestyle
Where have all the satanists gone?
When I was but a child, our land faced the most terrible of plagues. A deadly disease of the soul. We were under siege from the forces of darkness. Yes, satanists! The footmen of hell. The third and final pillar of white fear. Oh, let us count them together. One. die swart gevaar! Two. die […]
Posted inGeneral
Invictus: What does it mean to YOU?
When he was only 12, William Ernest Henley contracted tuberculosis of the bone. Eventually his left foot had to be amputated just below the knee. He spent many years in and out of hospital because the disease also infected his right foot, but he refused to have it amputated as well. He was eventually discharged […]
Posted inGeneral
The people shall be governed
The reassurance that the city of Tshwane is not, like the Freedom Front Plus would have us believe, mayorless after all was temporary and, unfortunately, highlighted a more disconcerting reality. The disconcerting reality is not, however, the fact that Dr Ramokgopa was retained as executive mayor of the worst-performing metropolitan municipality in the country — […]
Posted inNews/Politics
Budgeting with the gorillas
There is some confusion over whether the idiom should be a “600-pound gorilla” or the much larger “800-pound” creature. The usage also differs with some using it as a form of praise for companies that have dominant positions in markets, and others using the idiom to describe a difficult situation, which is not being addressed. […]
Posted inLifestyle
The importance of being coconut
In the olden days when men were still allowed to sport handlebar moustaches and the children of Inkosi uSenzangakhona reigned over the lands of their forefathers, life was so much simpler. Anyone who spoke your language was your friend, and everyone else was the enemy. If a chap walked up to you and said, “Molo, […]
Posted inGeneral
Pick n Pay highlights our redundant tribalism
After 15 years of evading the demon of tribalism, we the minorities of South Africa have been shamed for our parochial outlook and ethnic enclaves by the new Pick n Pay advert. In line with their new branding, Pick n Pay has released new television adverts which drive the message that Pick n Pay is […]
Posted inLifestyle
Last will and testament of President Zuma
LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT I, the undersigned, Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma ID Number/Born: 12 April 1942 of (address withheld from you lot) hereby declare this to be my Will, hereby revoking all previous wills or testamentary writings made by me. I nominate Mo Shaik of unknown address to be the Executor (who must please look up […]
Posted inLifestyle
Essex girl or jolly hockeysticks?
We’re having a culture day at the agency on Friday. Everyone is supposed to dress up and bring a plate of eats symbolising their cultural heritage. This is easy if you’re Indian, or Xhosa, or Italian. Or even Afrikaans. But what about us English-speaking South Africans of somewhat mongrel origin, who no longer qualify for […]
Posted inNews/Politics
‘Green shoots’ of recovery?
On cue, at 12h25, just five minutes before President Jacob Zuma was due to give an economic briefing at Tuynhuys, the wind picked up in the parliamentary precinct and it started to rain. Cold drops in spring. Was the grey, leaden sky, I wondered, a portent from the gods about ill economic news? Had the […]
Posted inGeneral
Kolpak ruling a win-win for SA and England
The England and Wales Cricket Board recently pulled off a coup through the passing of the New Home Office laws. The laws were sought by England’s cricket administrators as a means of fighting the “scourge” of Kolpak cricketers plying their trade in the County Championship. Now, with this coming from the BBC Sport website: “Only […]
Posted inLifestyle
The diaspora
An invincible friend passed away yesterday and while I sit in Cape Town with the clouds crying with me I am battling to understand the fragility of life. Someone whose cup overflowed with love, energy and a fair dose of eloquent sarcasm has been stolen from us and those who left behind are reeling. We […]