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Last will and testament of President Zuma

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

I, the undersigned,

Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma

ID Number/Born: 12 April 1942

of (address withheld from you lot)

hereby declare this to be my Will, hereby revoking all previous wills or testamentary writings made by me.

I nominate Mo Shaik of unknown address to be the Executor (who must please look up the word “executor” as it applies to wills and not confuse it with “executor” as it applies to politics in South Africa; I’m not made of 204 indemnities) of my Estate provided that he keeps his brother from the car and off the golf course. Just writing this increases my blood pressure but I digress …

Should he be unwilling or unable to act as executor, I nominate Justice John Mandlakayise Hlophe from Cape Town who has been a big influence in my life.

I direct that the executor of my estate shall not be required by the Master of the High Court or other competent authority to give security for proper performance of his duties.

I direct that my estate shall devolve as follows:

Special Bequests:
———————

I hereby bequeath all my right, title and interest to the African National Congress, nothing excepted, to Julius Sello Malema, who has not only become like a son to me but has developed into a major philanthropist, orator, fighter for women’s rights, national accent regulator (and here I’m not Pandoring to him), advert for OR Tambo airport, thrower of housewarming parties, which have become so popular you have to reserve a place/preserve a reservist … something like that, and genuine all-round good guy.

Despite what people might think the white community are very fond of Julius as one said to me just the other day : “There definitely is a place for Julius in South Africa, we just haven’t had time to dig it yet.”

My son enjoy this my bequest in good health and remember this tip:

Never go through revolving doors backwards.

After my special bequests I bequeath the residue of my Estate to:
—————————————————————————–

My wives living at the date of my death in equal shares per stirpes save for that granddaughter who married the fellow with a picture of Mbeki in his living room. They get nothing.

In witness whereof I have signed this will in Cape Town on Friday the 9th of March 2009 in the presence of the undersigned witnesses who in my presence and in the presence of each other have signed this will as witnesses.

Date: 9/3/2009

WITNESS 1. …………………………………………………

TESTATOR…………………………………………………..

WITNESS 2………………………………………………….

Author

  • Mike Trapido is a criminal attorney and publicist having also worked as an editor and journalist. He was born in Johannesburg and attended HA Jack and Highlands North High Schools. He married Robyn in 1984 (Mrs Traps, aka "the government") and has three sons (who all look suspiciously like her ex-boss). He was a counsellor on the JCCI for a year around 1992. His passions include Derby County, Blue Bulls, Orlando Pirates, Proteas and Springboks. He takes Valium in order to cope with Bafana Bafana's results. Practice Michael Trapido Attorney (civil and criminal) 011 022 7332 Facebook

24 Comments

  1. Rose Morrow Rose Morrow 28 October 2009

    You hit the nail on the head Michael. To know Julius is to know JZ – to see Julius is to see JZ – to be lectured to by Julius is to be lectured to by JZ. Jacob Zuma is the most dangerous man in South Africa – no question about it. I don’t trust him and believe nothing he says – every utterance is simply what whoever wants to hear – no sincerity – he wouldn’t recognise “genuine” if it walked up and slapped him in the face. There are some great Ministers in his cabinet – the Ministers of Justice and Security clusters are not some of them! Unfortunately! Under JZ South Africa will slip away from democracy – it is already doing so! For the first time I fear for the future of my country and for the future of my children if they decide to remain here. So far, no one in my immediate family have even considered a future in another country – but I am afraid for the first time.

  2. Googlingsa Googlingsa 28 October 2009

    Careful, you may get into trouble.

  3. Peter Joffe Peter Joffe 28 October 2009

    Most thinking South Africans are horried at the thought of an ANC Governent led by Malema but the masses will vote for him and Michael’s “Will”, will come true. The downhill slide gets steeper and steeper as the years go by. I wonder what the next ANC election manifesto ‘will’ look like? “Give us another chance – we have only had three so far and have not yet had enough time and in any case it is all the fault of Apartheid and racism. Democracy does not work in Africa! Peter Joffe

  4. Sifiso Sifiso 28 October 2009

    That should have been “were you that bored?”

    Lame attempt at being FunnyMan Traps.

    Yawn!!!

  5. Heather Heather 28 October 2009

    This is so funny!

  6. Blackbravo Blackbravo 28 October 2009

    LMAO! Its good to see you can still be objective. Our dear President is more fond of his benefactors than he is of his flesh and blood; of course many will disagree but the facts speak for themselves.

  7. GS van Zyl GS van Zyl 28 October 2009

    Julius Malema is not a specifically gifted leader. His popularity is the result of his ability to tune into the negative feelings that blacks feel towards whites in South Africa. (And please, I do not say these feelings are not justified). This requires him to make type of remarks that will land him in the Equality Court on a regular basis.

    Malema believe that redress for the past wrongs is more important than reconciliation. He will never be an “enlightened” leader like Ghandi, Mandela, Carter or Obama – he is a populist, and there is a constant feedback loop of negative energy between him and his supporters.

    He will be the cause of bloodshed in South Africa, and in the end his supporters will also probably suffer as the result of his actions.

  8. Al Al 28 October 2009

    Who did you say you voted for, Traps?

  9. Bonginkosi Bonginkosi 28 October 2009

    Bravo, Traps. You topped yourself with this one.

  10. Rose Morrow Rose Morrow 28 October 2009

    It would be funny if the situation at which it jests was not so damn dangerous! JZ is akin to the Pied Piper – leading everyone to nowhere land and the sad part is many people are so mesmerized by the placating words he speaks, they seem content to him into a dark abyss. Perhaps his endorsement of Melema may jerk some back to reality – or are they too far gone?

  11. Lu Lu 28 October 2009

    yawn…

  12. Peevee Peevee 28 October 2009

    Was Zuma’s praises on JuliM a bit of reverse psychology? i.e. affirm him then maybe he’ll keep his mouth shut.

  13. La Quebecoise La Quebecoise 28 October 2009

    Funny…we Zimbos have been saying for ages, that SA is at the top of the slippery slope and is about to follow Zim. Scary times for you guys…you’re on the prayer list.

  14. Rose Morrow Rose Morrow 28 October 2009

    “Our dear President is more fond of his benefactors than he is of his flesh and blood” – unfortunately he is more fond of his supporters and benefactors than he is of his country…. and that is very sad – very tragic – and extremely dangerous.

  15. Rose Morrow Rose Morrow 28 October 2009

    “we Zimbos have been saying for ages, that SA is at the top of the slippery slope and is about to follow Zim” – SA has not been on a slippery slope “for ages” – just since Polokwane when we had foisted on us an ANC leadership from hell!

  16. Grant Montgomery Grant Montgomery 28 October 2009

    Traps:
    You’re like a good wine i.e you improve with age.

  17. Habib Sassa Habib Sassa 28 October 2009

    the audience for thoughtleader is regressing more and more. This article is shamelessly whack, even for humour. Bye.

  18. bambam bambam 29 October 2009

    malema will be our president oneday, the scene is being set and we will slowly be de-sensitised to it…. it will creep up on us and by the time it happens people will be saying–aah he is not so bad etc etc… just like what happened with JZ, it was so many peoples worst nightmare and before you knew it he was there like a bear.
    It is people power…these guys know how to use it and there nothing any of us can do about it.

  19. old, female, paleface old, female, paleface 29 October 2009

    Rose Morrow – The day of the “BARE BUMS” I saw the future !
    I named Zuma the Chameleon and ANCYL his Rottweiler
    I warned that we laugh at Malema “at our peril” and that he is a lethal egomaniac – long before he became the ANC Official Spokesman ?
    Those days, I was a old hag doomsayer told to play with her dolls.

    I said then and say again – Be afraid – be VERY afraid.
    The country is sliding now at turbo jet speed to….. SAZIM.

    My only hope is “Give a man enough rope and he will hang himself.”
    My mother warned me in stone age days and she was right.

  20. FanaMk FanaMk 29 October 2009

    Do you not get tired of bashing our beloved president and dragging his name in the mud all the time? Please do yourself a favour. Give up this battle. You are fighting against democracy, can you not see. JZ came into power by popular choice – democracy in practice. Surely, the majority behind him cannot all be stupid as some of you seem to imply. After Mandela, JZ is truly ‘a man of and for the people.’He is the hope of the poor because he seems to care about them and has made his plans clear that he wants to make a difference in their lives.

  21. Mandrake Mandrake 29 October 2009

    Siphiwo Siphiwo, where art thou? You gonna let Traps get away with this…

    :)

  22. chris2 chris2 29 October 2009

    MT
    Beware of spoofs. They can get you into awful trouble (remember the film made by the Reitz 4). Better to have legal opinion. But I forget – you have – your own. Then, maybe a 2nd opinion is warranted. On the other hand, you might be dead serious…..

  23. Siphiwo Siphiwo Siphiwo Siphiwo 29 October 2009

    pass me my pillow & duvet.

    yawn….zzzzZZZZZZ

    :(

  24. Wabber Wabber 29 October 2009

    LOL… nice one!!

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