The Ubuntu Declaration and Mthembu* Act of 30/4/2013

It has been formally announced that the direct descendants of its invention have formally redefined Ubuntu, the concept formally defined, as: “We only exist because of each other” and similar.

The new definition has been proclaimed as follows:

expedience

ownership

heartlessness

industrious stupidity

abuse of the elderly, infirm or powerless

homelessness (also homes that are not sanctuaries)

cheap propaganda

to obfuscate

national keypoints

mediocrity

dinner, lunch, breakfast or tea with the Guptas

as much Kentucky Fried Chicken as you can eat

tyranny

hungry children

betrayal or treachery

lots of black cars and blue lights

the value of the paper that dignity’s rights are written on

impunity

———–

It is important to note that while the definition has changed, the feeling you must acquire upon hearing the word spoken by its owners is one of love and generosity (especially with your vote or fundraising capacity) towards the latter.

To prove that your feelings are in alignment, you must either stay completely silent or be labelled as follows:

i a white racist

ii a clever black

iii a bloody agent

iv a journalist

v an artist

vi a housewife

vii someone with sour grapes

viii other (this label has been added to cover any eventuality; for members of political parties that are not current incumbents; for people who are not apathetic but refuse to participate in elections — ie impossible people).

——-

A commission of inquiry is to be launched soon into the misunderstandings that may have been created by the original definition, which you can find here (includes definitions from all over Africa and a video interview with Mr Nelson Mandela about Ubuntu as it was, then).

Should you wish to be present at the commission hearing aid, please call Jackson Mthembu because he understands everything and will educate you into your complete submission.

We wish to take this opportunity to wish you a Happy Worker’s Day for tomorrow.