During my three-month hiatus from blogging, I received hundreds of emails from readers. This is the summary of what you had to say: 1. If you don’t update the Silwane Files soon, I will have no choice but slit my wrists. [Just do it.] 2. I hope you are busy with your divorce because I […]
Ndumiso Ngcobo
Once upon a time, Ndumiso Ngcobo used to be an intelligent, relevant man with a respectable (read: boring-as-crap) job which funded his extensive beer habit.
One day he woke up and discovered that he had lost his mind, quit his well-paying job, penned a collection of hallucinations. A bunch of racist white guys published the collection just to make him look more ridiculous and called it 'Some of my best friends are white'. (Two Dogs, ISBN 978-1-92013-718-2).
Nowadays he spends his days wandering the earth like Kwai Chang Caine, munching locusts, mumbling to himself like John the Baptist and searching for the meaning of life at the bottom of beer mugs.
The racist publishers have reared their ugly heads again and dangled money in his face to pen yet another collection of hallucinations entitled 'Is It Coz 'm Black'.
He will take cash, major credit cards and will perform a strip tease for contributions to his beer fund.
Posted inLifestyle, News/Politics
Me, Madame Fifi and dripping taps
The last time I paid my brothel a visit, I left feeling much better about myself. No, not because of the clothes-pegs-on-earlobes thing Luscious Lulu likes doing. Frankly, I find that whole S&M routine disgusting. And immoral. It’s a good thing that I’m close to completing the scientific study I’ve been conducting in brothels for […]
Posted inGeneral
No. Pedestrians are not like gemsbok
I have a morbid fear of being run over by a car. The fear is a little on the irrational side. Even if someone assured me that there were no vehicles within a 5km radius I would still cross the road the way I usually cross roads i.e. head swivelling left-and-right 60 times a second. […]
Posted inGeneral
Another year in the pursuit of misery
It’s that time of the year again when most people are in a resolute mood about all the things they’re going to change in the next twelve months. Needless to say, they won’t achieve anything. Nothing substantial in any case. The fatties won’t put down the supersized Double McGrease Deluxe Whopper Meals with extra onion […]
Posted inGeneral
Jesus at Tops. Sanity is way overrated
Regular readers of this space are not in any doubt that the source of my inspiration is a brain that does not function too effectively. A mad brain. Today you will get a glimpse of just how insane I really am. Part of the reason I am struggling to keep up with the demand for […]
Posted inNews/Politics
So, the dog finally catches its tail.
I really enjoyed seeing president Mbeki being booted out of office last week. No, not because I necessarily wanted him out. I quite enjoyed his time at the helm. Only a cursory glance through my posts will reveal that I quite like Mbeki — especially his brain. It’s a penchant I share with an individual […]
Posted inLifestyle
Confession: I have pleasures that really shouldn’t be pleasures
Am I the only one who derives pleasure from things that I really don’t have any business enjoying? On these very pages I have shared the incredible joy I experience each time I take a shower with a brand-new cake of soap, fresh from the wrapper. I wrote about the fact that the intensity of […]
Posted inNews/Politics
Reverse sexism – a thought experiment gone bad
In my last offering entitled ‘The scourge of reverse sexism’ — thoughtleader.co.za/silwane/2008/09/07/the-scourge-of-reverse-sexism-in-south-african-society/ — I listed aspects of the gender relations in this country that I presumably disagreed with. I invited you, the reader, to come in and point out all the flaws in my rationale. What I didn’t share with you is that the post […]
Posted inLifestyle, News/Politics
The scourge of reverse sexism in South African society
Let me state from the onset that I’m not sexist. In fact, some of my best friends are women. Both my mother and my wife are women whom I respect very much. Let me also state categorically that I find nothing more deplorable than Neanderthals who believe that men are superior to women. It is […]
Posted inNews/Politics
The Law of Escalation — knowing when the jig is up.
So I’m watching the news last night and I see that the case involving Pretoria High Court Judge Nkola Motata is still dragging on. What I found even more intriguing is when the newsreader mentions, in passing, that this whole mess emanates from an accident that occurred in January of last year. Okay, let me […]
Posted inNews/Politics
Is the Thabo Mbeki era under historical revision?
It is often noted that for as long as lions do not learn to write their own history, tales involving lions and hunters will always be about the heroism of hunters. Or something along those lines. I’ve been thinking about this phenomenon quite a bit lately, as I frantically scour the length and breadth of […]
Posted inNews/Politics
We are part of the Pussy Nation?
So, former Fidentia robber Arthur Brown has decided to pull a Schabir on all of us and is applying to be further upgraded from the already comparatively more comfortable Pollsmoor Prison hospital to the luxury of a private clinic. Just because he’s depressed? Good god. I have always just assumed that every inmate is freaking […]