When they got Al Capone, it wasn’t for some heinous crime, it wasn’t for murder or extortion or racketeering, it was for tax evasion. Eliot Ness didn’t boot down the door and catch Big Al with a gun in his hand. No, he came at him on a technicality. He caught him crooking the books. […]
David J Smith
David Smith is a world famous artist and a British Olympic hammer thrower. He is a curler for Scotland and Manitoba. A pro wrestler fondly known as the British Bulldog. A Canadian economist and a Mormon missionary they call the Sweet Singer of Israel. He is a British historian and a bishop. David Smith is the biographer of HG Wells, a professor of physics, a composer and a music teacher at Yale. He played rugby for Samoa, England and New Zealand. He created the Melissa worm, a deadly computer virus. He is the Guardian's man in Africa, he starred in a reality TV show and shot his way to silver in the 600m military rifle prone position at the 1920 Summer Olympics in Antwerp.
But this isn't that David Smith. This is the blog of the other David Smith. David J Smith. The one from Durban by the Sea. The one who lives in Amsterdam. Yes, him. The David Smith who likes to write about himself in the third person.
To learn about all the other David Smiths:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Smith
To contact this David Smith:
[email protected]
Posted inLifestyle
Is Afrikaans cooler as Engels?
If you grew up in Durban you had little time for Afrikaans. We thought it was dumb, intellectually inferior. A blunt language with no creative value. Too limited in its diction to produce anything of worth. It was what the Vaalies spoke when they invaded our beaches. It was the language the SAUK dubbed TV […]
Posted inNews/Politics
What is it about Africa and gay people?
Why is it that gay people are so hated on this continent? What makes people in Africa want to murder, imprison or beat up on them? And before you start telling me it is a tribal thing, a black thing or a whatever thing, I can tell you a lot of white Africans don’t like […]
Posted inGeneral
When I am president
I often dream of running my own banana republic. Nothing too big. I am not a greedy man. Something about the size of KwaZulu-Natal. In fact, KZN would be perfect. It’s got the bananas and is sufficiently balmy to keep the populace in that happy stupor that will prevent any thought of an uprising. The […]
Posted inNews/Politics
Who made your shit list in 2k9?
It is nearly the end of the year. And in a time honoured tradition spanning the last three hours, I have compiled my shit list. These are the things and the people I feel need to be flushed down the proverbial john. Those little flecks on the toilet bowl of humanity that have spoiled an […]
Posted inNews/Politics
Screw the Ugandan gays, Gareth Cliff, Schabir Shaik, WC2010…
…and any other issue that may get you riled up. Because it is all irrelevant if we don’t have a planet to live on. Yup, that’s right, all our problems, all our high points, all our crimes, all our achievements will be for nothing if we don’t get an agreement on climate change. The summit […]
Posted inLifestyle
Open letter to Santa Claus
Dear Santa It is that time of year. When we all write you letters telling you what we want to find under the Christmas tree. Crafted in our finest handwriting and our smartest prose, we detail all those things that will make us happy. All those things that will magically make our lives a better […]
Posted inGeneral
Tiger’s wood and the mystery of men
Why is it that a man is never able to see how good he has got it? Why are we so willing to gamble a life’s happiness for a moment of cheap satisfaction? Tiger had a great wife. Beautiful, smart, university educated, worldly and by all accounts a nice person. Plus she has given him […]
Posted inGeneral
The plight of the blue-light bully
Last week I wrote about South Africa’s hate affair with the pedestrian. And judging by some of the comments, there is a lot of hate out there! One chap even said he would go out of his way to knock me down if he saw me on the street. Needless to say I have shaved […]
Posted inGeneral
Why do South Africans hate pedestrians?
So I am back in the country. In Cape Town shooting a commercial. Yes, Cape Town. And yes, I know I wrote an article slagging off the place. But that’s life. Full of irony. It has been a great trip. The weather has treated us fairly well (if you can ignore the wind). Our crew […]
Posted inGeneral
Why is Obama talking to aliens?
The big news this week is that President Obama is set to announce that he is in contact with aliens. There are even rumours that this was the real reason behind his Nobel Peace Prize. The prize being seen as a form of global mandate in the upcoming intergalactic parley. While it doesn’t surprise me […]
Posted inLifestyle
Where have all the satanists gone?
When I was but a child, our land faced the most terrible of plagues. A deadly disease of the soul. We were under siege from the forces of darkness. Yes, satanists! The footmen of hell. The third and final pillar of white fear. Oh, let us count them together. One. die swart gevaar! Two. die […]