Zimbabwe: Observers out! Bob'll fix it...

As Zimbabwe fluctuates between glimmers of hope brought about by international and South African pressure on Robert Mugabe, and despair brought about by the SADC and certain other South Africans preaching quiet diplomacy, one man remains steadfast to his principles — Archbishop Desmond Tutu. This giant of the southern hemisphere has been unwavering in his attempts to bring about a just and peaceful end to the reign of terror in that country.

As things stand, Zimbabweans have just received the outcome of the presidential vote in Zimbabwe — or at least what Zanu–PF and Mugabe decided the ZEC could release as the reult of the election. It leaves the MDC with a run–off between Mugabe and Tsvangirai, unbelievably the same result that was known by the Zanu–PF weeks ago. So while the world only heard yesterday and the ZEC has been purportedly counting furiously over the last few weeks, Zanu–PF and Mugabe incredibly guessed it almost immediately after the vote.

Isn’t rigging marvelous?

As you may recall, having decided that this was the result about three days after the election, the Zanu–PF thereupon set about murdering members of the MDC, arresting their own monitors who dared to allow people to vote against Bob, burning down houses, refusing to release results and driving thousands more into exile — after all we can’t have them at the run–off.

A crisis meeting was held in respect of the election debacle by the SADC who thereupon agreed that it was vital, to the interests of all the people in the region, that they hold talks about holding talks about the possibility of speaking to Uncle Bob, once things had been sorted out by Bob, and that they must get together again soon because the Congolese chef was simply to die for.

Of course Bob could not make the trip so in fairness, President Mbeki dropped everything and shot accross for photo–shoots and a quick word so that overseas investors could see just how close South Africa and Zimbabwe are. Great place to invest your money because we have the future model of what South Africa could look like if it follows Mugabe’s wonderful example.

But don’t be too critical — South Africa wanted to seem impartial. That is why it called for the matter to be left to the Zimbabwean electorate…until those racist bastards from Britain and America called for a United Nations meeting to try and help the people of Zimbabwe.

Quiet diplomacy was immediately abandoned. Into the United Nations, and good old impartial South Africa, aka Uncle Bob’s nominee, put a block on international intervention. Just to assist overseas readers in this instance “racist” means any party who stops a black leader from mass murdering or abusing his overwhelmingly black population.

In the interests of a further demonstration of impartiality South Africa refused to meet the MDC secretary general while he was there — the only thing impartial about our team at the UN is their aversion to that awful onion soup they keep insisting on serving in the UN dining room.

So, having thankfully blocked anyone from stopping Uncle Bob murdering his citizens, it’s now back to constructive eng…er quiet diplomacy and the MDC is expected to stand for another election in the country that Bob destroyed.

MDC concerns about the outcome of the run–off are, I believe, irrational — the result is an 80% Mugabe majority guys — Uncle Bob aided by his quiet diplomats from South Africa have been hard at work deciding on that. The election is now merely a formality to confirm that a democratic process was undertaken, but this time Zanu–PF will ensure that not even the Zimbabwean people can outvote the fix…. but I digress.

In today’s Guardian> the Archbishop has called for AU intervention into the deteriorating situation, occasioned, dare I say it, to a large degree by certain South Africans and their version of constructive engagement.

‘Constructive engagement’ was of course Ronald Reagen’s failed policy in trying to bring about reform in apartheid South Africa by tossing carrots to the regime in Pretoria. The Archbishop classified it as “immoral, evil, and totally un–Christian”.

Larry Elder, in his article on Reagen in Capitalist Magazine, says “Reagan pursued a policy of ‘constructive engagement.’ According to the Journal of Modern African Studies, Great Britain, ‘This policy held that quiet diplomacy, contact with oppositionist bodies, application of fair employment practices under the Sullivan Principles by American companies operating in South Africa, assistance programs to train Africans, and public statements endorsing reform would do more to undermine apartheid than would confrontational measures, including sanctions and disinvestment.'”

South Africans from their own experience know that it was active measures rather than constructive engagement that brought about the end of apartheid. That this failed forerunner to “quiet diplomacy” was a debacle is common knowledge as was conceded by the American state department at the time.

Ironically the ANC vehemently opposed to this go–nowhere policy for South Africa during apartheid should have stood back and employed it against our closest neighbors and long time friends, the Zimbabweans.

To their credit many of the ANC have come out strongly against it, as have the SACP and Cosatu, every church group you can think of, and the opposition parties en masse

Yet despite the fact that South Africans and Zimbabweans in their overwhelming majority oppose it and Uncle Bob, the SADC and South African government pursue it.

Before I entertain theories on why quiet diplomacy is a success I would expect your essay to begin with : “Quiet diplomacy, despite 85% unemploment, 150 000% inflation, more than a quarter of the population living in exile and a life expectancy of approaching 35 years of age, is a roaring success because….”

Remember this: When Mugabe goes and the overwhelming majority of the people of Zimbabwe gain full access to information of what has gone on in their country, and our part in it, then their anger and resentment will be well founded.

At least this time round South Africans, great sections of the government as well as major groupings around the country, are telling the exiles, the world and the people of Zimbabwe that we want no part of this constructive engagement.

We want Mugabe to go now and in their place to be installed the elected party and leaders of the new Zimbabwe.