Is Zimbabwe the Nazi Germany of Africa?

When the Nazi Party came to power in Germany in 1933, they passed the infamous Enabling Act, which effectively gave them the power to deviate from the constitution and create the dictatorship that we all know so well. Within four months of implementing that act Adolf Hitler had his one party state.

Zimbabwe in turn became independent in April of 1980, following the Lancaster House Agreement. In 1987 the constitution was amended to abolish the office of prime minister and replace it with an executive president.

In terms of the way both ruled with an iron fist, slaughtered their own people seemingly without remorse, and began with a period of six or seven years of enormous success and popularity before occasioning the total meltdown of their countries, these dictatorships enjoy a number of similarities.

While both Adolf and Bob believed that their parties would rule for a thousand years, at least Hitler had the decency to believe that he would be dead for the vast majority of that period. Left to Bob and his generals they would have him stuffed and mounted in parliament with a ventriloquist handing down the latest savage decrees. Mind you, I’m sure most Zimbabweans would love to see Bob get stuffed.

While Hitler was in jail he wrote Mein Kampf; while Bob, on the other hand, during his stay in prison read Little Dot (from which he quoted extensively during his Gordon Brown joke), Little Lotta and Richie Rich comics.

Interestingly both dictators would ultimately fail as a result of their approach to land. In the case of Hitler, his quest for lebensraum, which would rely on his conquest of much of Europe and Asia, united the bulk of the planet against him and resulted in the collapse of Germany in 1945.

In the case of Mad Bob, his redistribution of all arable land to cronies rather than black farmers left the country with a currency less valuable than that of Germany under the Weimar Republic. What was once the bread basket of Africa is now a desolate barren wasteland — pictures of which can be seen on CNN and all the other agencies who are passing off pictures of Zim farmland as the surface of Mars. (You don’t really believe that they made it to Mars? Next you’ll be telling me they landed on the moon)

Unfortunately for Bob, and not for want of trying, he is going to be unable to match the sadistic thuggery of Hitler which occasioned World War II and cost the lives of 55 million people. Hitler slaughtered millions, including 6 million Jews during the Holocaust, tens of thousands of gypsies and anyone who dared show any dissent or got in his way. Undoubtedly the worst butcher in history.

Yet even he would be casting admiring glances at Bob’s ability to reduce the average lifespan of a Zimbabwean to under 40 years. Not even the incredible savagery of the Nazi thugs could match that one. I’m sure even the Fuhrer, who topped himself rather than face a trial for crimes against humanity, would have watched in awe at Mad Bob’s ability to systematically destroy his people. Perhaps at the Hague, Bob will put his recipe down on transcript for posterity — to be studied by some or other budding meglomaniac in training.

Mind you, Hitler would have scoffed at Bob’s holding of elections no matter how badly he rigged them (and let’s face it Bob rigs ’em so badly he ends up as the runner-up — let’s hope he, unlike John Terry, does not miss his penalty). After Hitler failed to win an outright majority at an election, he created the dictatorship which did away with the need for elections.

Bob, having stolen the 2002 election, naively believed he could simply carry on doing that. Mind you to be fair to him, having banned opposition media, tortured and murdered his opponents, used dead voters, controlled the monitoring, ZEC and composition of constituencies, Bob had every right to have expected to win. How was he to know that he is so hated that not even those measures would be enough? What more could any decent politician have done?

Yet having said all that, should Bob and half a dozen fat cats emerge triumphant, then Bob is going to shatter many more world records which should cement his spot in hell next to the Fuhrer. Currently he holds the world’s shortest lifespan for citizens, highest recorded rate of inflation and least valuable currency.

6 more years of this? How about:

Biggest percentage of population ever to leave a country.
Only country in the world without high schools.
Herald newspaper, his official mouthpiece, with a readership six
Oldest citizen outside of the Big 6 : A whopping 12 years old
Largest areas of land unoccupied by human beings since the Triassic era
Worst ever David Cameron joke (surpassing even his Gordon Brown effort)
Age of President equals the sum of the ages of the rest of the population combined

I’m sure you’ve got plenty of your own.

Whatever happens, the people of Zimbabwe are greatly indebted because of Bob. The good news is that if he goes they should see enormous aid and investment pouring into the country, which should soon see them out of debt and back on their feet.

With Bob winging his way to the Hague?

Not with my form.