Zimbabwe run-off: Now that's entertainment!

Britain’s tough new Consumer Protection Regulations have been particularly hard on fortune tellers, astrologers and other mediums who are now required by law, to tell customers that their work is “entertainment” and not “experimentally proven”.

Surely this system should be introduced into Africa where it is desperately needed.

Let’s start with everyone’s favourite, Uncle Bob. Nobody, in their right mind, would ever dare to suggest to the people of Zimbabwe that his system of government has ever worked. Which means it has not been experimentally proven and must therefore be classified as entertainment. I’d call it a horror movie but until he movies out of his office this one’s down to plain horror.

Then of course we had the Zimbabwean election where using Bobby’s finest tactics — dead voters, banning all press but his own, torturing and murdering his opponents, controlling the ZEC and monitors, manipulating the constituences and voting stations — failed as an experiment because he still lost the election. So that’s down to entertainment as well. Chalk that one down to a travel documentary on account of voters having to be insane in not seeing the immediate benefit of travelling out of Zim at warp speed.

Leaving us with the all new Zimbabwean run-off which is also still in its experimental stage. This comes with all the benefits of a Zimbabwean election but with extra brutality added in just to make sure this time. Because it is not experimentally proved, it’s still just for entertainment so sponsors like Koo products might want to advertise.

Turning south we have other products which are still to be experimentally proven and are accordingly still classified merely as entertainment.

Starting in Kwazulu-Natal where bikers have confirmed that klapping a VIP driver, who first side-swipped you and then slammed into the back of another vehicle, while certainly most enjoyable, still has to be tested for side-effects like arrest, losing your licence and possible imprisonment. You can mark this one down under TV Games — If they ever catch him, he’ll be on TV.

Then of course we can’t forget the geniuses entrusted with providing power for the country. Despite introducing us to novel concepts like power shedding, electrical xenophobia and candles, which are all very enjoyable, continuous provision of power is still unproven experimentally. I’d call it entertainment but all you can do while the lights are off is…okay, it’s entertainment.

Not to be outdone are the providers of Kwazulu-Natal Health care. Doctors are currently experimenting with methods of improving the local MEC’s image. Tests conducted so far showed that if you tossed her picture into the dustbin you landed up with swarms of bureaucrats shoving forms under your nose and conducting investigations into everything but your ability as a doctor. Application to have the MEC reassigned as, say a VIP driver, have so far been unsuccessful.

Now that’s entertainment!