Zimbabwe: Nursery Rhymes to celebrate a run-off victory

Robert Mugabe, underpinned by a South African government and a mediation team seemingly determined to keep him in power (come on guys don’t be bashful), is celebrating the MDC’s decision to withdraw from the run-off.

This in essence means that both countries (now lepers of the world community) will be able to claim their rewards during the next few years.

In the case of Zimbabwe, the five million under threat of starvation will start to die out in greater numbers and lower the life expectancy even further than 37. Please, don’t thank us, thank the South African government, but for whom your redemption was at hand. Why not write to members of the government and the mediation team and thank them personally for turning Zimbabwe into one big graveyard. Even if they deny receiving your letters, just know that they really do care about Zimbabweans — perhaps only 10% of Zimbabweans, but those are Zimbabweans too.

In the case of South Africa we get to receive the overwhelming majority of the refugees who are going to come pouring over our unguarded borders. One of the main reasons why the government is battling to deliver to our poor is because we are looking after millions of poor people who, through no fault of their own, cannot bear another minute under Mugabe. South African poor people must appreciate that it is not the fault of the Zimbabweans or any other people who sojourn in our country. Why not write to Mugabe, or if you are short of money at the post office, send a local post to the South African government thanking them for keeping their mates in office, which is after all far more important than the poor people of both South Africa and Zimbabwe.

While you are contemplating that I have decided to do a set of commemorative nursery rhymes in honour of the Mugabe / Zanu-PF victory.

Zimbabwean Nursery Rhymes
*As they are adapted from existing nursery rhymes the original heading will appear above each.

Little Jack Horner
Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Eating a mincemeat pie
So they shot him
Because it was from an MDC
promoting aid agency.

Little Boy Blue
Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn
The sheep’s in the meadow the cows in the corn
Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
In South Africa after Mad Bob repossessed his farm.

Little Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
So they murdered her and wiped out her
Entire village for receiving aid from a
Counter-revolutionary.

This Little Piggy
This little piggy went to Italy
This little piggy’s wife went with
These little piggy’s cut off aid
So all the other little piggies are dead.

There was a crooked man
There was a crooked president
Who walked a crooked mile
Then he got cramp in his leg.
So he massacred half of Harare.

Jack Be Nimble
Bob be nimble
Bob be quick
Half Zim’s left already
The rest think you’re a….

Thank you Fiona, pictures in our
11 0′ Clock bulletin…

Fiddle Dee Dee
Fiddle dee dee, fiddle dee dee
The fly has married the bumblebee
In other news the first Zim 1bn dollar note
Has now hit the street.

(Zim finance ministry release)

Row, Row, Row your Boat
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily
Has the maize arrived from South Africa yet?

Three Blind Mice
Three blind mice
See how they run
They all run after the farmer’s wife
So they landed up in Johannesburg fleeing Bob.

Yankee Doodle
Yankee doodle came to town
A-riding on a pony
So they shot the imperialistic coloniser.

Hey Diddle Diddle
Hey diddle diddle
Mugabe’s done a fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed
To see such sport
So they shot it.

Eency Weency Spider
Eencey Weencey Spider
Climbed up the water spout
Down came the rain
And washed poor Eencey out.
And that concludes our sports coverage.
The president is hoping sporting sanctions
will be lifted soon.

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring
Bob’s reigning, bloods pouring
The old man is snoring
He bumped his head
So everyone’s dead
No-one to get up for the mourning.