Has Zimbabwe undergone a de facto military coup?

The Times of London is reporting that Zimbabwe has to all intents and purposes undergone a military coup. The paper alleges that since Mugabe lost the first round the country has been overtaken by a military coup by stealth.

According to a report being released by Human Rights watch, a junta composed of the military, police and intelligence are in control and have committed atrocities far in excess of anything witnessed in Zimbabwe before.

Seems like the country has dug up a version of “die ou krokodil” in spymaster Emmerson Mnangagwa, who is known locally as “the crocodile“. His job is to sow terror among MDC voters while — I shit you not — they’re hitting the airwaves with hip-hop to lift the spirits of the Zanu-PF supporters.

Apparently they’re flighting radio and television Zanu-PF adverts using the late rap star Tupac Shakur — which makes sense on account of MDC voters needing two packs of Camels a day just to get through Tupac and the Crocodile.

Have you ever read Tupac’s lyrics? Let’s just say he won’t be joining the list of Nobel Peace Prize winners anytime soon. Each song seems to be more violent than the next, which appears to be right in keeping with the Zanu-PF campaign.

In the last week the death toll among MDC supporters has risen, along with beatings, rallies being cancelled and, of course, the two arrests of leader Morgan Tsvangirai. All the while almost nothing has been heard from South Africa. Apparently, dumb’s (sic) the word when it comes to Zimbabwe. Many of you will however be relieved to learn that while Zimbabwe is imploding our deputy foreign minister is in Malawi strengthening ties.

What better way to ensure that our region goes from strength to strength than by visiting Malawi while Zimbabwe is going up the creek without a paddle? If the deputy minister has regard to the fact that that conflict is manifesting itself with local xenophobia, that should put him up and around Cairo next week.

Yesterday we were treated to Keneth Kaunda (the ex-Zambian PM) telling us that Mugabe should stay on as president while Tsvangirai becomes prime minister. It’s the worst of all worlds. With no substantial international investment the economy continues to melt down on the back of the new local shareholding ideas of Mugabe. Meanwhile, the Crocodile is primed to take over the destruction of the country and South Africa’s exile population goes over the four million mark.

What odds we have the first trillion dollar banknote by next weekend?

The Sunday Times submitted yesterday that the game plan was for Mugabe to win the presidential run-off and then hand over to the Crocodile. If this happens the whole country will sees its backside. Alle gat or … not? Perhaps it’s an Allegator.

Maybe it won’t be so bad after all. Perhaps the old man is mellowing, what with a lovely trip to Italy while the aid agencies have been told to stop feeding the starving Zimbabweans. Only a few million people are at risk of real starvation. What’s that compared to Grace getting a lovely new outfit in Rome?

So while we are witnessing a total onslaught, confirmation that, even if Tsvangirai wins, the Zanu-PF have no intention of honouring the results, and there is murder, intimidation and the refusal to allow monitors or peacekeepers from credible sources, Zimbabwe seems to be on track for the run-off.

Could be worse I suppose. Mugabe could threaten to nuke the country if Tsvangirai wins.

Other than that they’ve just hit rock bottom and started to dig.