Zimbabwe: it's the Bobby Mugabe Show

South Africa’s foreign affairs team must come clean and admit that the reason why we have refused to send Mugabe into oblivion is because they’re hoping to turn his stand-up routine into a commercial venture. Given Wednesday’s performance during a nationally televised speech Mugabe will have them rolling in the aisles down on Broadway and the West End.

The problem for our region however is that he has the people of Zimbabwe being rolled into graves as a result of this clown’s criminal negligence and murderous abuse.

As we have seen in the case of cholera his initial attempts to conceal the epidemic have occasioned a massive threat to not only Zimbabweans but other countries in the region as the epidemic spreads. Had he instead called for immediate assistance instead of denying the problem, the threat to Zimbabwe and its neighbours would have been vastly reduced.

In this regard the population could have been warned about the dangers, advised on how to avoid them and what treatment is required to avoid the fatalities we are witnessing. Those who have intervened could have moved far quicker and isolated the problem instead of it being allowed to run wild.

Isn’t it ironic that just as South Africa was declaring a disaster area Mugabe was once again advising his population that the threat had passed? The worst case of criminal negligence by Mugabe in a long line of disgraceful conduct.

The cholera outbreak with all its attendant problems gave Mugabe an education on just how dangerous the situation and indeed this disease is. What he may not have comprehended before, he certainly did once the body bags started flying and even his own moronic health ministry had to admit the country had a problem.

Fast forward to this week where we find world leaders like Bush, Brown and Sarkozy calling for Mugabe to step down or else; the cholera epidemic being the last straw. Suddenly the one thing Bob loves — Bob — is under threat. ANC secretary general Gwede Mantashe advised that the dictator is concerned about not being given guarantees of immunity, which is a major concern when you’ve killed tens of thousands already and millions are on the brink.

What does Mugabe do?

With full knowledge of how deadly the cholera epidemic is and just how dangerous his words are, he declares that cholera is no longer a problem. This while being aware of the fact that the majority of Zimbabweans have access only to what Bob has to say; regardless, he advises them “don’t worry folks it’s safe to go back in the water”.

His cowardly motive is clear; he advises the world that because the cholera crisis is over, military intervention is not necessary. The only thing that Bob cares about – Bob — is being threatened so he figures “who cares how many die, he has intervention to ward off”. In other words the hell with what happens to Zimbabwe and the region; I’m alright Jack.

South Africa’s response:

“We um … er … believe … er … um … that … um … er … we … should … um … negotiate party to … um … er … party … mediate … um … er … people … um … dying … not … major concern … cholera … throughout region not major issue um … er western imperialists must be stopped!! Right that’s alright then.

The region?

Well cholera is now available to all you lucky folks in pretty much every country within the SADC. In other news there are no gale warnings and western imperialism threat levels are now reduced to orange.

In the words of Ford Fairlaine , “Un-fucking-believable!”