You have the right to fart silently but violently

Thought Leader’s Sarah Britten has requested us to kindly write a piece on why we love the South African Constitution and then ask you lot to do the same via Facebook, Twitter, SMSing 078 949 3735 or going to the website www.wethepeople.org.za. Apparently her group are trying to get 1 million South Africans to tell the world why they love the Constitution.

Why?

Ask me I’m Moses.

The thing is that I actually do love the Constitution and specifically Section 35 of the Bill of Rights albeit probably not for the reasons you’d expect.

Stay with me on this.

Once upon a time many many years ago there was a system of law known as apartheid.

And in this system, as its enforcers, were the South African Police who upon arresting a suspect were required to read the poor unfortunate his or her rights.

Because apartheid South Africa had no censorship, believed in freedom of the press and encouraged broad and lateral thinking, members of the SAPS felt that they too had literary licence to embellish or be creative when reading you your rights.

Something along the lines of: (Please note an Afrikaans to English dictionary is worthless in deciphering this)

You haf a right to bly silent but if you do you could accidently suffer n ongeluk out of a back window of a station.
You haf a right to n proknureur but you knows dis will only piss us off.
Anyfink you say kan en wil be taken down – saam met al die ander goed wat ons byvoeg – and can be used teen jou in a court wif a law.

It’s very good.

Afterwards they’d ask the accused if he understood his rights and invariably he’d nod his head … that is if you consider the bloody mass that was raised by its hair from the interview table and then bounced hard off it as capable of nodding.

Of course since the end of apartheid in 1994 everything has changed.

Now we genuinely do have freedom of the press, very little censorship, far more creative thinking and, of course, a Constitution with a Bill of Rights.

Section 35 thereof sets out the rights of arrested, detained and accused persons making it safe to be apprehended by the South African Police Services.

Well at least that’s what we all thought until the Eugene Terre’Blanche trial started.

Turns out that in this high profile matter, where the utmost sensitivity to racial issues is required, South Africans got to hear that when it comes to being read your rights anything goes. The genius who read the minor being charged with ET’s murder his rights couldn’t even read them from a piece of paper.

Now if that is the standard for high profile cases you lot can look forward to something like this:

You get a fright if you stay silent,
Anything you say will be taken down (literacy permitting) and used in court if vigilantes don’t get you first.
You can have a lawyer but this will probably add armed robbery charges if you want to be able to pay him.
If you can’t afford a lawyer a state attorney will be appointed for you at no cos … hahahaha … dear oh dear …
It’s the way I tell ’em.
You can’t be compelled to make a confession – “take the plastic bag off his head I don’t think he can hear us” –
and we must take you to court in 48 hours … which is why we arrested you after lunch on Friday.
When we do take you to court you can ask for bail but that is going to annoy us because we have to stop strapping that
electrical thingy to your gonads.
You have the right to be informed of your charge but the creditor who hired us to use the police as a collection agency said we don’t have to – and he pays much better.
You have the right to be presumed innocent, except by the press who have already sentenced you, until proven guilty in a court of law … or something close to that.

It’s very good.

The SAPS employing a combination of youthful illiteracy and senior belligerency.

Who says the Constitution hasn’t taken our freedoms to an all new level?

Bet you’re all happier to hear that the government is now taking the education crisis far more seriously.

Mind you if it gets much worse you could snatch the piece of paper from the SAPS member’s hand and say:

“Let me read it damn it … yadda yadda yadda … oh yes … it says here that you are to release me, hand me the original docket, remove any mention of me from the computer and shoot the complainant … and here’s a picture of the commissioner saying that…”

And you wonder why I love the Constitution.

It is the finest of its kind in the world and does offer the best protection to the citizens of this country but that does not remove that nagging feeling that we may be a generation away from appreciating just how good it is.

Until then the government will think it’s a plot by the courts to usurp power, the masses – who are its biggest beneficiaries – will think it’s a conspiracy to maintain white domination and the rest of the world will envy us our Constitution because it really is the best there is.