In light of the forthcoming election I have decided to do another in the series of our ‘lost in translation’ exercises. Today’s tutorial covers language used by the African National Congress Youth League, which may be confusing the electorate.
“Die for Zuma” means “Could I have a cabinet post with an office that is sea facing?”
“Kill and die for Zuma” means “Could I have a cabinet post with an office that is sea facing and a car with a driver?”
“Counter revolutionary” means “Anyone who opposes my getting a cabinet post with an office that is sea facing and a car with a driver.”
“The revolution” means “That thingy where we fixed something, some time, so it’s better and which can’t be allowed to be undone because somehow this would be a violation of the square on the hippopotamus equals the angle of the dangle … what was the question again?”
“A newly formed party” means “Those mother-$^%#$@ dogs who better *^%$%^ off before we &^&%$^ the *&^%$%^ … more fish in the sea.”
“Demolish a splinter group” means “Die for Zuma … no wait! … Kill and die for Zuma … No, that’s not it … Got it! It’s unconstitutional.” (See definition below)
“Constitution” means “My health is good. I have a constitution of iron … pretty much the same material I’m going to use on any counter revolutionary’s head.”
“Unconstitutional” means “Constipated leaving the member concerned full of shit.” (Hence the belief that the ANCYL is to a lesser or greater degree unconstitutional.)
“Suspend a region’s chairperson” means “Hang the genius from a telephone pole.”
“Happy with recall” means “Fond memories of a member’s 16th birthday.”
“Recalling Mbeki” means “Wait! Don’t tell me … he’s the guy after Mandela?”
“Peace with Motlanthe” means “Its fine for now but if he doesn’t hand over to Zuma it will be ‘pieces of Motlanthe.’”
“ANC to rule until Jesus comes” means “Comrade Zuma has not thought this thing through properly. ANCYL won’t be giving up posts or sea facing offices no matter who pitches up.”
“Fikile Mbalula circumcision” means “a total cock up and not much ‘a’ penis.”
As you can see once you translate their election speak they’re just a regular bunch of guys who are often unconstitutional.
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