A bad day demands an anthem.
You’re waiting patiently at a red light for the turning arrow to start flashing so you can start your journey home, and five selfish bastards across the intersection keep turning after their arrow has long ago faded to nought. Or some client has driven you to the brink of sanity. Or maybe you made a bad trading decision and lost your company a few million bucks.
Whatever.
Moments like these demand, more than anything, a “fuck you” song. Something you can play nice and loud on your car sound system while slamming your fists into the steering wheel.
Here, then, is a very personal list of such songs. They may not make those selfish swines wrap their cars around the nearest tree, cleaning up the human gene pool in the process, but they will make you feel a whole lot better.
1. More Money Tonight by Violent Femmes, off Why Do Birds Sing:
Ideally suited for:
- Anger at people poorer than you.
- Geeks who are now senior software engineers meeting first-team rugby captains at high-school reunions.
Lyrics to laugh at them with:
“Sometimes in school people pick on me
In the gym locker room or in the hallway
Cruel things people do and say
Wait a minute wait a minute
I’ll make more money tonight than you ever dreamed of
You thought I was strange well just look at me now
If you are lucky I’ll play in your city
And you can come see me if you got the money”
2. Masters of War by Bob Dylan, off The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan:
Ideally suited for:
- Television appearances of George Bush.
- Television appearances of Manto Tshabalala-Msimang.
- Drive-bys at pro-gun lobby meetings.
Lyrics to condemn them with:
“Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul”
3. A Mistake by Fiona Apple off When the Pawn:
Ideally suited for:
- Justifying slacking.
- Adolescence.
- Playing computer games instead of reading, making conversation or having sex.
Lyrics to pull zap-signs to:
“I’m gonna make a mistake
I’m gonna do it on purpose
I’m gonna waste my time”
4. Precious Things by Tori Amos off Little Earthquakes:
Ideally suited for:
- Being dumped.
- Being dumped by someone you really liked.
- Being dumped by someone sanctimonious and self-righteous, who promised to love you forever and whom you really liked.
Lyrics to burn his (or her) photo to:
“I wanna smash the faces of those beautiful boys
Those Christian boys
So you can make me cum
That doesn’t make you Jesus”
Working Class Hero by John Lennon from John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band:
Ideally suited for:
- Remembering high school.
- Remembering your parents.
- Hating the rich while cleaning their toilets.
- Hating the religious while desecrating their graveyards.
Lyrics to spit on their photographs to:
“They hurt you at home and they hit you at school,
They hate you if you’re clever and they despise a fool,
Till you’re so fucking crazy you can’t follow their rules,
A working class hero is something to be”
Want to read the lyrics and hear the tunes?
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