The first ANCYL-SACP war

Anyone who fails to see the humour in the ANCYL versus SACP “war” either hasn’t lived in South Africa long enough or just doesn’t see the funny side of the things that go on around us every day.

It really is hysterical in every sense of the word.

In fact I have to admit that I haven’t laughed like this at the antics of the ANC Youth League since the trading of insults with Helen Zille and the Democratic Alliance.

Accordingly if you lack a sense of humour or would like to give us your thesis on racism or caution us that Malema is the devil in disguise waiting to destroy us all STOP READING NOW.

This one is only for those who can laugh at themselves as well as others.

As we all know Julius Malema and the rest of the motley crew that make up the ANC Youth League can be slightly headstrong.

Time and again, and with no little enthusiasm, we have witnessed them having a go at everything and anything that they believe is wrong or needs attending to in South Africa. When confronted or pulled up on a point they tend to throw the baby and the bath out with the water making each ANCYL statement a thing of beauty.

Something to be treasured.

Who, for example, could ever forget Malema’s reply to the question of whether he would be prepared to debate his DA counterpart?

“I only debate with serious political youth formations. Not a group of the racist Helen Zille’s garden boys.”

Or these classics?

“We are disgusted by remarks attributed to the racist girl Helen Zille, who when failing to defend her stupid and sexist decision to appoint predominantly white males into her Cabinet, attacks the president of the Republic of South Africa.”

“Zille has appointed an all-male Cabinet of useless people, majority of whom are her boyfriends and concubines so that she can continue to sleep around with them, yet she claims to have the moral authority to question our president.”

“If the fake racist girl Zille continues to speak hogwash like she has been doing during elections, we will take militant action against her, and demonstrate to her that she does not have monopoly over the Western Cape.”

“The fake racist girl who was dropped on a head as child should understand that South Africa will never be a Mickey-mouse republic like she wants to portray it.”

“An absolute majority of South Africans support President Jacob Zuma and will find it very disgusting for a fake racist apartheid agent to continue undermining the highest office in South Africa.”

So naturally when we heard that Malema had been booed and heckled at the SACP special conference in Polokwane we began sharpening our pencils. After all JuJu was never going to take this lying down.

Jeremy Cronin, the SACP deputy secretary general and Deputy Minister of Transport, on the other hand is a philosophy academic — which usually signifies an advanced degree — and noted poet. He served seven years imprisonment in Pretoria for work that he did for the ANC and SACP during the height of apartheid.

As such, and while he is nobody’s shrinking violet, he is unquestionably a deep-thinking, highly intelligent man.

As many of you will recall Malema and Cronin had had a fallout over nationalisation before Polokwane which resulted in an exchange of words included in which was Malema styling Cronin as a white messiah as a result of Cronin publishing an article criticising Malema’s call to nationalise mines.

The SACP and the YCL in particular were highly miffed at the ANCYL president as a result of it, even though Cronin and Malema had smoked the peace pipe.

Accordingly when Malema arrived in Polokwane the SACP were waiting for him. Not only had he insulted one of their leaders but his lifestyle was not in the best traditions of your average socialist.

He was duly booed and heckled and, to make matters worse, gained no support from ANC general secretary Gwede Mantashe.

So he left along with a couple of other ANC delegates who had received the same treatment.

Peace pipe be damned Malema then sms’d Cronin and told him:

“If you thought you have taught me a lesson, wait until you see what is coming your direction.”

Then just to make matters worse back at the conference SACP general secretary Blade Nzimande let loose at the ANCYL calling them opportunists and a bunch of parasites.

The koel was deur die kerk, out the other side, through the whole of Polokwane and winging its way back to Gauteng.

The ANCYL demanded that the ANC call the SACP leaders to order and deal with them appropriately.

Naturally the NEC couldn’t just let this ride and at their last meeting for the year they decided that the SACP must explain why ANC delegates were booed and, as former president Motlanthe explained, Cronin and Malema would be hauled onto the coals and “no doubt” disciplinary measures would follow.

Unbeknown to Motlanthe, while he was explaining to the media what steps were being taken to unravel all this nonsense, Malema and the ANCYL were grinding the peace pipe into mielie meal and declaring war on the SACP while addressing the National Press Club in Pretoria early on Tuesday morning.

The basis being that the SACP had invited war by booing and heckling them at Polokwane and the ANCYL were accepting that invitation.

Moreover, as Malema told the Press Club, until such time as there is proper leadership in both the ANC and in the alliance, it was up to the ANCYL to defend the ruling party from “being liquidated by those who want to impose themselves”.

And that’s not all, Malema then went on to suggest that while he doesn’t mind a bit of commie influence, this was more like taking over. Worse the SACP had been infiltrated by “yellow” communists “driven by greed” and wanting to “accumulate wealth”.

Now picture the president, who has called for restraint among Tripartite Alliance members, and the deputy president, who has just told the press that this is the way we deal with problems in the alliance.

No sooner have you wrapped it all up when you are alerted to the declaration of war in Pretoria.

It’s a good thing that I wasn’t Motlanthe because I would have started to giggle until they carried me out of that news conference roaring with laughter.

My only demand would have been to my secretary: “You make damn sure I have every ANCYL statement, in date order, on my desk within the hour.”

I’ll tell you another thing, if — heaven forbid — anything happened to Malema our media would be half the fun it is right now. My only gripe is that its not compulsory for the ANCYL to issue at least one statement per week.