Stofile: pawn takes Springbok, Pillay takes pawn

Do you remember the old Peter Stuyvesant adverts? Something like: “When it’s skiing time in St Moritz or the cowboys are bringing in the herd down El Paso way that’s where you’ll find them; for this is the great big wide world of Peter Stuyvesant yadda yadda yadda”.

Down here we get: “When the world’s economy is heading for the toilet and global warming is about to send every species known to man into extinction that’s when you’ll find him; down in parliament smoking something, for this is the great big wide world of Makhenkesi Stofile, South Africa’s Minister of Sport and Recreation”.

It’s politics, but not as we know it Jim.

The latest from the man from C.a.r.b.u.n.c.l.e seems to be that the Springbok emblem is the property of Stofile’s department and the South African Rugby Union has been using it illegally all this time. Accordingly this will require calling in the legal boffs to untangle the mess his latest ramblings have occasioned.

Of course while the lawyers are there and seeing as we have to waste tax payers money anyway, it would be silly not to deal with Stofile’s other issue as raised by the Pillay Commission into corruption in the Eastern Cape:

www.citizen.co.za/index/article.aspx?pDesc=71117,1,22

Considering the enormity of the allegations set out by a South African judge I’m sure that the Sports Minister, who appears to be a stickler for legal principles, would insist that this be cleared up at the same time. As the minister will appreciate if sportsmen wearing a jumping buck causes enormous emotional stress what price looting the money that could be used for any number of upliftment projects.

Of course given the choice between starving so that some geniuses can help themselves to public money or, horror of horrors, a jumping buck, the masses of our country will always prioritise the hated buck first. They were going to protest about it but because all the rights to our three major sports have gone to the pay channel while Nero fiddled, they really haven’t had the chance to see them anyway.

Even now I can imagine a group in Diepsloot squatter camp huddled around a fire, traumatised by the site of the jumping buck. Perhaps if the money half-inched in terms of the Pillay Report is recovered we can get those guys counseling … and a whole lot more.

Left to me I would put up pictures of all the parties negatively sited in the Pillay Report all around the squatter camps and townships. Perhaps a note below it reading “as soon as we have recovered the missing hundreds of millions from these men we’ll be back to you about improving feeding schemes and other upliftment projects”.

Perhaps to be fair you could also put up a sign: “BEWARE THE JUMPING BUCK”.

I agree with the minister: let’s send the Springbok issue to court!

Somewhere right now, in a South African village not far from you, the frantic search for their missing idiot continues.