Racism, Rock and ruling

I’ve always wondered why great stand-up comedians don’t go into politics. This may not be the solution to the world’s leadership crisis, but at least we’d have a good laugh while entire nations and continents are being managed into ruin. Seriously though, I reckon stand-up comedians would do a much better job because they have a keen understanding of life. Let’s face it you have to be super intelligent and even more observant to be really funny. And there’s no one funnier than Chris Rock.

Voted one of the top 100 most influential people in the world by Time magazine for 2008, Rock jetted into Johannesburg a couple of days ago to offer South Africans much needed relief following the xenophobic violence that’s wracked our country. Says Rock of the xenophobia: “I don’t believe in black-on-black violence because everybody robs and kills people … It’s not black-on-black but broke-on-broke, when people rob each other.” When asked by journalists whether he’d tone down his material on race for local shows the funny man replied: “Not at all. Why would I do that, and why would you even pay for it? It’s like porn with clothes on.”

Rock is a master when it comes to dealing with race and other politically sensitive issues. As fellow heavyweight Jerry Seinfeld recently said: “You know how hard it is to make racism just plain fun? Rock does it. Racism to Chris Rock is just a Hacky Sack on his foot. He kicks it up over here, over there, behind the back and then right over to you. The tension release he offers is available nowhere else, from no one else. He has the same facility with sex, with marriage, with politics.” Seinfeld goes on to say that while people make mistakes with other media forms, with stand-up there is 100%, rapid fire justice. You live or die when you get up on that stage. And with Chris Rock it’s like he’s the illicit substance everybody wants. When you watch his show, take a look around and see the audience wanting him, needing him, craving what he’s got.

Intelligence and instinct aside, Rock has an uncanny ability to touch the raw nerve of society, to unashamedly reach in, yank out the guts and gore no one wants to look at, and then make us laugh at it. For example:

Chris Rock on racial slurs:
“When I heard they were trying to get rid of the word nigger, I told my accountant to buy 800 shares of coon.”

Chris Rock on relationships:
” If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t seriously thought about killing a mother*******, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for 45 minutes straight, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll their ass up in, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you ain’t been in love. And the only thing that’s stopped you from killin’ this mother******* was an episode of CSI.”

Chris Rock is currently bringing much-needed comic relief to South Africa

Chris Rock on why only married people can understand marriage:
”Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the exact same time.”

Chris Rock on violence:
“I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.”

Chris Rock on Idols:
“Who’s judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!”

Chris Rock on George Bush:
“Anything would be better than Mr Bush. You knew he didn’t care. In a way Bush’s presidency has been a success because he didn’t let us down at all. It was everything we thought it was going to be and worse. It was like a horror movie where you say: ‘Man that was really scary.’”

Chris Rock on celebrity:
“Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?”

Chris Rock on racism in the United States:
“A black C student can’t do shit with his life. A black C student can’t be a manager at Burger King, meanwhile a white C student just happens to be the President of the United States.”

Rock is the fifth funniest man alive according to Comedy Central, but in my book he’s number one. Bugger Obama, I’d vote Rock for President if I could and he was in the running. In fact if humanity could vote in their own choice deity, I’d take Chris Rock for God any day.