Open letter to Mondli Makhanya on metro cops, City Power and Eskom

Dear Sir,

I was outraged by your attack on the fine young men and women of the metro cops who have become almost like policemen to us. I mean, how dare you offend the very people who ensure that, after being gridlocked at a robot for three hours due to an Eskom blackout with no pointsmen available to ease the flow of traffic, there is a roadblock 20m down the road with 400 officers — none of whom qualify for pointsman duties, apparently — waiting to gridlock you for yet another four hours?

Gordon Bennett Mondli, whatever were you thinking? Why, only this week I was afforded the opportunity of watching the metro’s finest up close and very personal, and didn’t they do themselves proud?

At about 11am one morning I went past my house in order to collect certain documents for work. When I entered my driveway, lo and behold, my son told me that there were three metros sitting in a car parked on the other side of the road. When I asked him what they wanted, he advised me that they were, in fact, there to read our electricity meter.

Naturally, as a good South African citizen, I advised my son that they could come in but they would unfortunately be required to walk over my deceased remains first. Not that I’m paranoid or anything; it’s just that every 10 minutes in South Africa we hear about people being robbed and murdered by people posing as members of this or that authority.

At this point two of the metros came up to the gate and advised me that they were working for City Power and that I was required to let them in to check my meter. As proof hereof they displayed cards that my brother-in-law — or any printer for that matter — could whip up for you in about 10 minutes.

To hell with that. I called up a captain I know at Bramley police station who advised me that he had never heard of metros doing meter readings for City Power; maybe tarot-card readings, but never electricity meters.

Of course the fact that the police are understaffed and their resources stretched made the likelihood of metros doing meter readings for City Power even more remote. Add to that the fact that City Power had never told anyone that it was employing metros for this purpose, and there was no way I was letting them in.

Of course to the metros (who turned out to be genuine meter readers) my concerns were inconceivable. Why would anyone doubt their word or be concerned that they might be attacked by people posing as metros reading meters? I made a mental note to report these Jamaican (only explanation) illegals to home affairs — how dare they take up jobs designated for South Africans (the alternative being that they were illiterate and didn’t watch television and were unaware of the crime statistics in this country)? But then, how would they have passed the metros’ written exam?

Anyway, I told them that it wasn’t a problem; all they had to do was keep watching the weather bulletins. As soon as they saw that it was 60 degrees below freezing in Hades, they had to come back and I’d let them in.

Which seemed to piss them off no end. They advised me that they were recording the fact that I had refused them entry and promptly, while leaving their car parked outside our house, disappeared from sight for about 20 minutes. The fact that they left one of their number in the car told me that despite all previous indications, they might turn out to be the genuine article after all.

So, upon their return, sweating and growling, I advised them that it would be in order for one of them to read the meter, but the other two had to remain outside. No deal — they strode across the road to a box, shut off my electricity and drove off.

Needless to say, the next two days trying to reconnect our power were just a barrel of laughs.

Endless hours of misinformation and abuse from City Power staff are just the tonic you need to restore your faith in the metros and Eskom. Staunch patriot that I am, I never once asked whether we shouldn’t sue Eskom for the trillions of rands lost in downtime and damages occasioned by its negligent failure to deliver power. The thought never crossed my mind … maybe 50 times in passing, but surely no more than that.

Perhaps Eskom and City Power might want to be a slight bit more understanding when people are annoyed by the sudden moves they pull, without informing us, and deal with their, let’s face it, more than irate customers with a lot more patience. It’s not as though their image is that good at the moment, as it is.

But don’t let this incident fool you, Mondli, you were well out of order in taking our wonderful boys in blue to task. They are clearly there to serve — who, the Lord alone knows, but certainly someone.

Kind regards
Traps

Next week: Metros do palm reading