Olympics: every clown has a silver lining

I just love watching Sky News commentators waffling on about how well their guys did at the Olympics and how you can figure out exactly how much money each medal costs by taking the amount spent on a particular sport and dividing that by the amount of medals won.

So I figured that seeing as I wasn’t doing anything anyway, why not try out a more intricate calculation for our lot using the amount spent against our solo silver.

Get out your calculator and check my workings. I got 92% for Maths at school. (3% in Grade 1 + 12% In Grade 2 — great year I remember it fondly … anyhow the aggregate of all my marks for Maths over my entire school career comes to 92%).

FORMULA:

Think of a number between 1 and 10 then add R500 000 000 (we think … unless some of that went on submarines), then divide that number by two (because you can), then add 678 909 (number of administrators, families, friends and assorted nogshleppers who went to the games on our behalf) but subtract 65 456 (number of persons who went missing from the touring party, never to be seen again on account of it being hell trying to read Chinese road signs), times your answer by 2 (do we blame Sascoc or the Minister of Sport?), add 568 000 (the number of times we heard it was a personal best or a local record as if we give a flying F…) subtract 0 (number of people who will be held accountable for the spending or lack of success), take away the number you started with and your answer is 12.

Of course all of this will pale in comparison to those awful committees, sub-committees and assorted inquiries there are going to be into the reason why we achieved, Mokhotso aside, absolutely nothing. The cost of those (submarine sacrifices permitting) will run into the billions while actual money spent on sport, including the Ront (like a rand) I just put into the tin above my head, will be (just turning the tin over) one Ront forty cents and a shiny red button marked KFC.

Dear oh dear oh dear.