O Eskom! My Eskom!

I’ve cribbed the heading off Walt Whitman, the famous American poet who lived in the 19th century, because he probably didn’t have much electricity either.

In “O Captain! My Captain”, a tribute to Abraham Lincoln after his assassination in 1865, Whitman captures the mood of the American people — grief at the loss of their “captain” but relief that the ship had made safe harbour (weathered the Civil War).

But “Honest Abe” was taken out at a theatre, which precludes a similar occurrence here … on account of there being very little likelihood of any theatres being open, what with the power shedding an’ all.

Of course with the lights going out every other hour, it’s not so much a case of a poet capturing the mood, but the police capturing the homicidal poet whose work has been wiped out by the umpteenth blackout.

Not that there’s any chance of a ship trying to make safe harbour; it would plough into the rocks after the lighthouse failed.

And what’s worse is you get cornered by the whole family, sitting around the candles. There’s no escaping the government (Mrs Traps) lecturing on everything you haven’t done and the kids with their list of not-to-be-forgotten items.

That’s when I decided Eskom can’t get away with this. Herewith your chance to fight back.

Traps’ call options to Eskom customer care
1. “I was wondering if you could look up the ‘First World War’, on Google … my kids need it for a school project. What? Let me spell that. F for Freddie …”

2. “Can you see your calculator? What? No calculator? OK, then, write these numbers down, then add them up … Sorry? We can’t see. At least you have lights …”

3. “Sorry, do you have a newspaper? Great, could you read me all the runners at Greyville tomorrow? Slow down, it’s dark … OK … start … spell that?”

4. “We were wondering if you could assist us. Please look up ‘firearms stockists’ on a South African search engine … then ‘stockings’ … oh, and lastly see if you can get a floor plan for the First National branch in …”

I mean, there are tonnes of things that Eskom can help us with while we are incapacitated.

Here is a power-shedding warning to Eskom: if you interrupt the World Cup semifinals, best you contact those in charge of the witness-protection programme.

Just a thought.