Once upon a time before apartheid, around 200-million years ago during what is known as the Early Jurassic epoch, there lived a number of dinosaurs known as Massospondylus.

How do we know this?

Simple, there is a group of scientists known as palaeontologists, who make wine connoisseurs look like humble citizens, and they said so, so it must be right.

Who, for example, can ever forget the great Sir Arthur Beaumont who upon finding a clump of feathers near his home in Dorset set about proving the existence of reptiles in the Triassic-Jurassic extinction event before being arrested for stealing the feather duster from the Dorset Pig & Whistle?

Notwithstanding just recently these scientists uncovered clutches of fossilised eggs at a Masso’punda — as I like to call them — site in the Golden Gate Highlands national park, South Africa

What does this mean?

It means that we will now be able to understand the rationale behind the Democratic Alliance Student Organisation’s pornographic poster and the public’s response thereto by looking back in history and seeing how other South Africans dealt with this type of issue. As many people have pointed out very little changes in this country.

Bear in mind that this was a time when beings were hunter gatherers and not able to rectify their mistakes by appointing them as ambassador to Uganda.

Now, if I am interpreting these scientists correctly, the Masso’punda, 200-million years ago, used to live in nesting sites which would, at a stretch, resemble a small town of today.

This indicates that their mothers would sit on the eggs while the fathers were out fetching food. From this we may deduce that woman would wile away the day gossiping — on the internest — and debating the crucial issues of the day.

Perhaps they spoke of their king who was virulently opposed to those male dinosaurs who shared a home and who were derogatorily known as Happys.

Spoke of their disgust at the king picking on the Happys and calling them rotten.

The king in his turn expressing outrage at a poor translation of his words. He said that he had actually said dinosaurs cannot go through life being Happy, they have to get married sometime and that this was totally misrepresented at the nesting site.

Go figure.

Of course like modern day South Africa there were also black and white members of the community. And, just as during apartheid, intermarriage and sex between races was frowned upon by the Masso’pundas although nobody actually knew why this was so.

Regardless it became a fiery hot potato whenever it came to election time and political parties exploited this difference to boost support for their campaigns.

As today the parties also had youth leagues but they appear to have been somewhat troubled.

The youth of the black Masso’pundas (YBM) were believed to have gone insane after eating berries from the JuJu bushes and created angry mass debates about everything while the youth for the white (YWM) Masso’pundas were hated because they wanted to charge for allowing the community to eat in the areas with trees. They did however arrange freebies for friends who were given tokens hence the name of the party — the Tokenists.

One year the leader of the YWM hatched a cunning plan to attract the black voters to the white party. They would put forward their vision of a world where black and white could live together as one. In order to do this they had to put out a poser.

No, that is poser — posters weren’t invented yet.

At a poser gathering all the Masso’pundas congregated on a hill overlooking an area of flat veldt where the parties trying to convey their message acted it out.

Accordingly, watched by thousands of gob smacked community members the YWM had a huge white male Masso’punda dish out large portions of helmet to a black female Masso’punda.

Immediately members of the YBM began to mass debate about the posers.

The leader of the White Masso’pundas was shocked and said “Zat iz going to get uz all zend to Hel en iz juzt Zilly” and then refused to be drawn further on the subject.

And of course the leader of the community church — yes even then — the Animals Can’t Dance Preacher (ACDP) was absolutely overcome with rage. “There are many ways in which the YWM could have projected its image as a non-racial party, rather than using posers clearly promoting sexual promiscuity,” he said. He added the posers were “distasteful to the extreme” and an insult to the many young people, black and white, who uphold high moral values.

He went ballistic when one of the YBM told him to move to his right because he was standing in the way of the posers and it was difficult to mass debate without sight of the offending objects.

Fortunately sanity prevailed.

The posers were stoned to death, the white and black Masso’pundas continued to go their separate ways until they eventually massacred each other some 20 years after the unfortunate event and the species was wiped out in a most civilized way.

This is such a fascinating part of our history that even today in maths and science classes young male learners put Penthouse and Hustler magazines inside their text books so that they can learn all about the Masso’pundas.

And that Mrs Frenshaw is what my son Jordan told me.

Kindly allow him back into maths class.

Kind regards,
Mike Trapido


  • Mike Trapido is a criminal attorney and publicist having also worked as an editor and journalist. He was born in Johannesburg and attended HA Jack and Highlands North High Schools. He married Robyn in 1984 (Mrs Traps, aka "the government") and has three sons (who all look suspiciously like her ex-boss). He was a counsellor on the JCCI for a year around 1992. His passions include Derby County, Blue Bulls, Orlando Pirates, Proteas and Springboks. He takes Valium in order to cope with Bafana Bafana's results. Practice Michael Trapido Attorney (civil and criminal) 011 022 7332 Facebook


Michael Trapido

Mike Trapido is a criminal attorney and publicist having also worked as an editor and journalist. He was born in Johannesburg and attended HA Jack and Highlands North High Schools. He married Robyn...

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