Last will and testament of President Zuma

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

I, the undersigned,

Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma

ID Number/Born: 12 April 1942

of (address withheld from you lot)

hereby declare this to be my Will, hereby revoking all previous wills or testamentary writings made by me.

I nominate Mo Shaik of unknown address to be the Executor (who must please look up the word “executor” as it applies to wills and not confuse it with “executor” as it applies to politics in South Africa; I’m not made of 204 indemnities) of my Estate provided that he keeps his brother from the car and off the golf course. Just writing this increases my blood pressure but I digress …

Should he be unwilling or unable to act as executor, I nominate Justice John Mandlakayise Hlophe from Cape Town who has been a big influence in my life.

I direct that the executor of my estate shall not be required by the Master of the High Court or other competent authority to give security for proper performance of his duties.

I direct that my estate shall devolve as follows:

Special Bequests:
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I hereby bequeath all my right, title and interest to the African National Congress, nothing excepted, to Julius Sello Malema, who has not only become like a son to me but has developed into a major philanthropist, orator, fighter for women’s rights, national accent regulator (and here I’m not Pandoring to him), advert for OR Tambo airport, thrower of housewarming parties, which have become so popular you have to reserve a place/preserve a reservist … something like that, and genuine all-round good guy.

Despite what people might think the white community are very fond of Julius as one said to me just the other day : “There definitely is a place for Julius in South Africa, we just haven’t had time to dig it yet.”

My son enjoy this my bequest in good health and remember this tip:

Never go through revolving doors backwards.

After my special bequests I bequeath the residue of my Estate to:
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My wives living at the date of my death in equal shares per stirpes save for that granddaughter who married the fellow with a picture of Mbeki in his living room. They get nothing.

In witness whereof I have signed this will in Cape Town on Friday the 9th of March 2009 in the presence of the undersigned witnesses who in my presence and in the presence of each other have signed this will as witnesses.

Date: 9/3/2009

WITNESS 1. …………………………………………………

TESTATOR…………………………………………………..

WITNESS 2………………………………………………….