Julius Malema’s report card analysed

In light of the matric report card of ANCYL president Julius Malema, it is easy to understand where the problems South Africans are experiencing with his leadership may have arisen. Let’s examine just a few of the areas that might be causing the problems:

Report Card

English C (HG)
Afrikaans E (HG)
Math H (SG)
Woodwork G (SG)
Sepedi E (HG)
Geography F (HG)
History D (HG)

Starting with everyone’s favourite, the “Kill for Zuma” campaign. This goes directly to the problems being experienced in math. When the ANCYL were doing the sums on how many they might have to remove, if necessary, in order to guarantee a JZ presidency they probably handed their workings over to Malema. Looking at this sea of numbers and with his H in math, the ANCYL president probably made the only call he could: “Kill everyone!” Which, of course, gives new meaning to the term “crunching the numbers”.

Of course the fact that the clubs being used by the YL members to donner opponents are being considered wholly unsatisfactory is down to the leader’s G in woodwork.

Loss of new recruits for the organisation in South Africa, added to the mystifying growth of the ANCYL in Ghana, can be attributed to his F in geography. The 14-million shortfall in the ANCYL budget may be attributed to the cost of campaigning in Ghana, which is a combination of his prowess in math and geography.

Of course if he ever decides to give a speech in Sepedi the chances are we might well see the first application by a group for separation from the Republic of South Africa. Using his undoubted skills in geography, history and math he would advise them that — speaking what he believes is the correct translation — “We need a mil for Zuma in Lagos where the 400 members (they number over 4-million) of your group can be accommodated”

Who knows, if things don’t work out we could set up a fund to send him to Lagos or Nairobi …

Or anywhere.