I’ve got Bieber fever!

Radio Jacaranda has been running a competition which entitles the winner to four tickets to the Justin Bieber show. All the wenners have to do is SMS their phone numbers to the station and if they call you back you have to answer by saying “I have Bieber fever”.

Then, if you’re a man, you also have to vehemently deny that the tickets are for you and confirm to listeners, including friends and family who know that you are a single bachelor, that they are for your daughter and her friends.

Shame.

Of course this type of marketing has the punters ready to rock and roll at the drop of a hat. Would you for example, stone cold sober, answer your phone and say “I have Bieber fever”?

Of course not because, with your form, your boss would be on the line and you would end up having to try and convince him/her that Bieber fever is an actual disease which required you to take off work.

“May my auditor never get up alive if I’m lying to you John it really is a type of virus which leaves you with sores all over your body which turn into a pus(s?)” — readers are advised to check the spelling.

So if Radio Jacaranda listeners are prepared to go that far for these competitions shouldn’t more companies and organisations be getting involved but for things we really need?

The mechanism is easy just stick to the Jacaranda Formula — Sought after product + medical condition = prize for looking like a prat every time you answer your mobile phone.

Examples :

To win a month’s free electricity — “Hi I got Eskom Ebola!” (watch that one clear a room).

A month’s free petrol — “Hi I got Shell Syphilis!” (fine if you’re married but if it’s a first date step out of the car before answering your phone. If you’re in traffic look closely at your date and decide whether he or she is worth missing out on the major prize. NB read up on the current petrol price forecast — is she really a Lindsay Lohan lookalike or are the car fumes you’re running on leaking into the car?)

A year’s supply of ANC T-shirts — “Hi I got Gupta Gout!” (while you may not think that this is a necessity try turning up to a job — the good ones — where cadre deployment is essential, without one).

A brand new super deluxe mobile phone — “Hi I got Cell C Crotch Rash”. (NB NB If you are going for the petrol and the new mobile phone while out on a date you might want to assess the prospects of moving house right after you drop her off. While your desire for the good things in life is understandable your chances of being afforded the chance to breed once she gets out of the car and switches on her phone are remote. Perhaps you might give thought to becoming a Catholic priest or entering a monastery … you’ll have enough petrol to get you to the airport.)

A year’s free travel with Transnet — “Hi I GOT TRANSNET TOURETTES YOU MOTHER F… ” (please remember to swear and shout at the top of your voice while entering this competition. Should go down a treat when meeting your future in laws or boss).