It's the Komphela and Frolick show

And now ladies and gentleman in the category for the biggest embarrassment to South Africa in a sporting drama, the nominees are: Butana Komphela for his moving role as a misunderstood racist in “Whites and Indians don’t understand transformation”, Cedrick Frolick for his valiant attempt to upstage Komphela in “Why I’m mad about Percy” and the unnamed genius who selected Frolick and Komphela to head up the parliamentary oversight committee for his direction of “How to court sporting isolation in 2008”.

May I have the envelope please? … And the winner is Cedrick Frolick for Percy!

Imagine Frolick’s acceptance speech:

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for recognising my contribution to embarrassing South African sport. May I firstly just thank my chairman who told me that even though I know less than Dick Cheyney about rugby, so long as I could watch a television and go ballistic every time I saw a white player, I would be a success. I believe that in life we must be even handed. For example in our soccer team we don’t have players of any other races but I checked up on this and as far as I know South Africa is 100% black so that’s all right then.

As Butana and I were saying the other day, the Olympic team is a disgrace. Where are our black swimmers, showjumpers and the like? I blame Mashishi — what is Sascoc doing? I’m sick and tired of hearing about the government not putting up one swimming pool in the townships. It’s not their jobs to provide facilities, equipment or anything else. As a government it is their job to get elected.

South Africans must understand that transformation has to be top down. So if we have 20 swimmers who are black and even if they can’t make a length of the pool they must make up 70% of our swimming team. We must just ignore the Olympic qualifying times and the fact that government interference in a sports body and racist sports policies are grounds for suspension of that sports body from the international community.

The important thing is that by putting in a quota of tokens we can show that transformation is a success. Then we can take all the money earmarked for sport and use it where it can make a difference, like sending plane loads of administrators and know-nothings to enjoy themselves overseas.

People must forget about complaining that the townships have no facilities or equipment and that the masses are getting horribly stiffed. We must rather blame apartheid, Sascoc and the corporates for the fact that “transformation is not happening. Whites and Indians haven’t a clue, they think that because you have a population that is 70% black, that if the government were to actually put money into the townships and squatter camps we’d get an overwhelming majority of black sportsmen.

What rubbish. A black sportsman is a person whose parents are black. If they somehow overcome the fact that we are putting nothing into their development then they must be given 70% of the places. Just to show you how firmly we believe in this we’ve stopped compulsory PT at schools.

I’m sure that the parents of black youngsters would much rather see tokens in our national teams than us wasting all that money making their children sportsmen and sportswomen. It’s absolutely unnecessary 16 years after sporting isolation and 14 years after our multiracial democracy to do a study on what has been spent on uplifting our masses in terms of sport. Nobody would be interested in that anyway. Besides I hear we’re getting new submarines so we don’t have money to waste.

Tokenism is vital because the masses, even though they don’t have the bats, balls or other equipment can see their heroes on television which will make them want to be sportsmen. When we are finished buying submarines we are definitely going to try and get the SABC television rights for rugby, cricket and soccer because we know how important it is for the masses to see the tokens. It’s just unfortunate that we can’t afford to spend any money on that right now because we have so many other things to buy and administrators and other nogshleppers to pay.

So when you see that 45 000 black kids have already gone through the South African Rugby Legends clinics just know that even though we didn’t spend a cent to get them there, buy any equipment or even show them rugby on television, we forced it to happen by making racist remarks.

Recently, as you saw, my chairman made racist remarks about whites and Indians and some idiot Moss Mashishi decided to take the moral high ground. Rightly the ANC parliamentary caucas backed my chairman on that racist line and admonished Mashishi for his arrogance. This proves that the ANC in parliament see themselves as the government of some of the people of South Africa.

You can trust us to represent some of you.

Then people wonder why we have such an interesting approach to ‘non-racism’ in sport.

In conclusion, as our chairman told you last Sunday night on television, we are going to become far more robust. Stand by for more racism, outrageous comments and tirades as we ignore all those idiots who keep asking us what the government is doing for sport.

Thank you for recognising me in this category and those of you in the studio audience please feel free to take those brown paper bags you’ve been wearing over your heads home with you.”

As this article in the New Zealand Stuff shows, Mr Frolick would be a worthy winner.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/4654780a10295.html

Tip to my black brothers: during apartheid when whites went overseas we used to tell people we were from Zimbabwe, Aussie or anywhere. When you guys go over pick any country on the continent save South Africa.

Angola’s good.