The recent spate of violent strikes and protests has most South Africans wondering how best to differentiate between what Cosatu and others are claiming and what is the day-to-day reality.
Try these examples :
Media release
Embittered Tshwala, spokesperson for the South African Minibus Taxi Association, today confirmed that drivers, incensed by the treatment they are receiving from Metro Police officers intend protesting on Friday. Members will be overloading their vehicles, blowing their hooters, jumping robots, cutting in front of other drivers, driving without brakes and generally making a total nuisance of themselves.
How would we know if there was a protest or this was simply part of the day-to-day reality?
In the same vein :
Media release
Fully xenophobic, spokesperson for the department of home affairs has confirmed the go-slow strike earmarked for Wednesday and Thursday next week. Members are outraged at the government’s failure to increase salaries and plan to ensure that seven out of eight staff members all stand around watching the one person actually helping the public who have formed a queue stretching around the block.
How would we know?
Media release
Sharon Goldberg, chairlady of the Jewish Married Women’s Guild, confirmed Monday that members plan to withhold sex from their husbands following the spate of lame excuses regarding a credit crunch, which has occasioned cancellation of July holidays to Mauritius.
How would we know?
Media release
Tel Ninio, spokesperson for the South African Weather Service, said Monday that the bureau’s forecasters plan to take action against morons who criticise their predictions. Next week will be littered with sunny and dry forecasts during torrential rain, warnings of gale force winds amid little or no breeze and threats of tsunamis as gentle waves lap Cape Town harbour.
How would we know?
Media release
The newly appointed deputy Eskom bullshitter, Barely Producing-Static, said that call-centre operators planned to protest this weekend. Producing-Static said that members were tired of being abused by the public every time there was a power outage. He said members of the public could expect little or no honesty when they called in and would be fed any old garbage like “cable theft”, “one of our substations just blew up” or “we need another trillion rand or else” as the reasons for the outage.
How would we know?
Media release
Newly appointed ANC spokesperson T*tal Tr*nsparency confirmed Monday that the president was so incensed by the media prying into Nk*ndla, the arm* d*al and the ed*cation cr*sis that in protest they have been told that from next week these three areas of concern would be referred to as ************************, and *******************. All queries ************************** must henceforth be forwarded to **************************.
How would we know?
A prince with dignity and determination
Prince Ngarambe’s goals are to become Rwanda’s first transgender model and to uplift the country’s youth
The EFF’s principles are unshakeable
Unlike the ANC, the core values of the freedom fighters do not change with each leader it elects
