How 'cowardice' helped Bolt become the fastest man in the world

We have to admit that Bolt is fast. I promise not to be lead into the temptation of cheap puns regarding his name, even expensive ones for that matter. He broke the world record. Again. His own. I couldn’t help wondering. I lie. I didn’t wonder because I am too lazy to, I am sure my laziness is the explanation for the noticeable midsection I seem to be developing lately. When examined closely one would think I was pregnant. Indeed the stomach is pregnant, with laziness.

How is it possible for a human being to be as fast as that man? 9.58? My golly! That is fast! Do you think he would sink if he attempted to run on water? I don’t think so. I suspect that he can’t fight to save his life. If you can’t fight them or beat them, run so fast that they can’t catch. I cannot see how else his career in running would have begun. This is the only way his speed makes any sense to me. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I wish I could have been able to run as fast as a kid, instead I was forced to fend for myself and beat up numerous boys in the process (let’s pretend I was a hero here, this is good for my chance with the ladies) including a young fellow that was crippled by polio. Don’t judge me. That’s a story for another day.

While we’re still at it, Ferrari is in need of some serious help. Maybe now that Schumacher won’t be racing because of his neck, Ferrari should hire Bolt to run in his place. A friend of mine on twitter @anele twittered this gem before the race: “Okay so Bolt is about to run the 100 metres, escorted by seven guys.”

She couldn’t have predicted it better.

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