Guptagate : Guptas land without permission or fuel

Aakash Jahajgarhia (24) and his fiancée Vega Gupta (23) are set to tie the knot with a lavish wedding, over 4 days, at Sun City starting on May 2.

Vega is the niece of the three powerful Gupta brothers who own, inter alia, the New Age newspaper and Sahara computers.

Mazeltov to the couple, the family and their friends may you only know simchas and nachos … unlike the poor guests who landed at Waterkloof Air Base without permission and finally without any fuel.

Why?

Well anyone who knows anything about South African politics would be aware that nobody wants to make a decision, which they will admit to, and anything that even smells slightly fishy lands up in a commission of inquiry.

Is this in order to ensure that the public obtains a judgment which offers both clarification and sanctions?

No, this is to obfuscate the issue and drag it out until it’s so long forgotten that nobody cares whether there is a decision or not.

This, however, doesn’t mean that civil servants or other state employees would take a chance on being wrong about anything. Not unless they want to become a victim of the biggest growth industry in South Africa – commission of inquiries.

These even come with a handy manual to assist first time – “Thank you for choosing the Farlam commission of inquiry. We trust that you will enjoy many many wonderful years with us. As a helpful hint cross out the next four Olympics from your diary because chances are you’ll still be with us.”

So imagine the genius in the Waterkloof control tower when he got the call :

GA (Gupta Airbus): Waterkloof tower this is IPA432 an Airbus A330 carrying guests for the Gupta wedding with permission to land at your airport..
WC (Waterkloof Controller) : IPA432 hold, out.

After ten minutes:

GA : Waterkloof tower this is IPA432 …
WC : … I’m thinking …

After ten minutes:

WC : IPA432 who told you, you can land here?
GA : The Guptas say they have permission from your Presidency, minister of international relations and the SANDF.

After 20 minutes:

WC : IPA432 we’ve checked up and they all deny it, relocate to a private airfield.
GA : Are you insane man? This is an airbus there aren’t any private airfields equipped to land her! We are starting to run low on fuel, I’m bringing her down with or without your permission.

WC : Listen to me carefully IPA432 if you fly one kilometre closer I’m scrambling our Grippen and the mirage do you understand?
GA : You have Mirages?
WC : No we have one Grippen which is so poorly maintained that when it starts shaking it rattles so badly that it looks like there are two of them …the second one is actually a mirage on account of there only being one plane.

WC : Tower I’m afraid I have two choices – land or fall out of the sky, you pick one.
GA : Eish, okay land the plane while I submit the papers for the commission of inquiry.

* Just a note of caution. Whoever it was that gave permission has done so. The Gupta wedding reception are our guests treat them as such.