Golf: You’re never out of the Woods

On Saturday I shot a 62 at Glendower, playing immaculate golf, until those Nazi bastards told me it was getting too late, and I could only play the second hole on Sunday. I mean, what is the point of trying to finetune your game if the dogs only let you play the first hole?

You would have loved me, looking adorable in plus fours, off the tee in nine, out of the car park in 27, through an irate home owner’s garden for 36, this game holds no fears for me. Well I lie, there was one time I was playing the first at Huddle, and blongered into the woods for a couple of hours. Just as I was thrashing my way back onto the fairway, a pack of bloodhounds came crashing into the undergrowth and nearly killed me. What possessed my playing partners to call the police I will never…but I digress.

If you follow golf on television or go out on the course to watch the professionals, then you’ll probably be aware of how much time and effort these guys put in. Every day they’re out there hitting balls and honing their games, because even the slightest edge can win you tournaments. The difference in skill and talent between golfers, unlike most sports, is not that apparent.

In golf, unlike tennis or other individual professional sports, you generally see a wide spread of players winning the majors and the bigger tournaments. It’s not like tennis where a Sampras, Federer or even a Nadal are always going to dominate. It’s much, much closer than that and while there are a number of players you expect to do well there is never a clearcut winner from day one.

That is what makes the Tiger Woods story so phenomenal. For once there is a player who is so talented and grimly determined to succeed that he actually does stand out in the crowd — a player the likes of which we never expected to see.

In the days of Nicklaus, Palmer and Player there were indeed great players, but not at the levels of professionalism that you find today. Nowadays everything from your diet, your game and your equipment is so scientifically analysed that it narrows the gap between players. No-one would seriously consider relying strictly on raw talent and then going out to compete. Ability is just the start — all of the pros have it in varying degrees but technology and coaching to a greater or lesser degrees can bridge the gap.

Except for the Tiger.

If you’re following the US Open then you’ll know that he’s been troubled by a knee injury which has almost made him into a mere golfing mortal. Yet even with that, he still forced a play-off with Rocco Mediate in San Diego.

If he wins, he will be up to 14 majors, just four short of Nicklaus, and this at the age of 32. This comprises four Masters, four PGAs, three Opens (British) and two US Open titles — nothing short of incredible.

If he should lose, nobody will be in doubt that he will still go on to overtake Nicklaus on 18 majors and the title of greatest golfer that has ever lived.

Of course I could have been a contender today, but they never let me play the second hole!