“God and Sons” is the illustrious name of one of the hundreds of small business enterprises scattered along the streets of Accra, Ghana, and its surrounding municipalities, villages and townships. En route from Accra to Akropong village one could not escape the merchandise battling for prime position in the narrow streets. Nor could one miss the many salesmen and women gesturing, shouting and vying for one’s purse. Most striking for me was the prominence of “God” in the names of the sprawling small business. If I recall well, “God and Sons” was a car electrical workshop. Now many would kill to have their car serviced and fixed by God and Sons, wouldn’t they? If the Ghanaian brand of godliness is street based, the emerging South African brand looks set to emanate from on high. If Ghanaians will be saved from the streets below, we shall be saved from above — from the heights of Luthuli House and the Union Buildings.
In these latter days, God has chosen to send unto me and my fellow South Africans, God’s favourite son, Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma. Not only is he a minister of the Word of God — thanks to that Durban congregation chosen and led to anoint him pastor-at-large. Since then he has gathered all true believers under his wing — the National Interfaith Leadership Council — from under which they speak one language silently, in him, through him, for him, to the glory of him forever and ever more. To this favoured son, God has given a compelling message. It is a message of choice — the choice of heaven or hell. Which shall it be for you, my brother, my sister, mmhh? This is the profound question brother Jacob has been posing across the length and breadth of the country. He raised the question rather poignantly and prophetically at an impromptu election rally in Mthatha last Friday (February 4 2011).
“When you vote for the ANC, you are also choosing to go to heaven. When you don’t vote for the ANC you should know that you are choosing that man who carries a fork … who cooks people.” Thus spake the son of God to loud cheers and unstoppable giggles. And not for the first time, mind you. He spoke before, he is speaking now and he will speak again. How many times before, has he underlined the intimate relationship between the ANC and the Lord? With uncharacteristic calm and collection, our Jacob has pointed out that until the Lord returns, the ANC will rule. To the ANC has ruling authority been granted during this interim period of uncertainly — the in-between period — the period between the ascension of Jesus and the return of Jesus. Only those who hide in the ark called ANC will survive the trials and tribulations of the current age! You have heard it said before that Jesus will return to fetch the righteous and the holy, but in Mthatha last Friday, Jacob the son of God said to you, Jesus will return to fetch those clad in the black, green and gold.
You have heard it said before that Jesus will return to examine your hearts and assess your deeds, but in Mthatha last Friday, Jacob, his chosen son, said verily unto you that, when Jesus returns he will examine and assess your membership cards. At the time one membership card will rise above all cards — the shining black, green and gold card. Bit by bit, election campaign by election campaign, from rally to rally, the son of God will reveal more and more of God’s secrets as more truths battle to come out of his holy mouth. Because the truths of the son are hard-hitting, unconventional and unpalatable to worldly ears, God has given to the son two special gifts — the gift of figurative and the gift of metaphor. So when the son of God likened his predecessor Thabo Mbeki to a dead snake it was only a metaphor. Does Thabo Mbeki look like a snake to you? When one Julius Malema threatened to kill for the son of God, he was only using figurative language. Can’t you tell metaphoric killing from real killing? Which country do you live in? Don’t we specialise in killing and dying in this country?
Even the expression that the ANC will rule till Jesus returns is a figure of speech and metaphor. Don’t you realise that Jacob’s Jesus is a card-carrying member of the ANC — what does it matter when and if he returns? Must Jacob christen the ANC as the “Lord’s Resistance Army” before you realise the innocent game he is playing? The simile of likening the ANC with heaven and the opposition with hell is and will remain figurative and metaphoric, as the Luthuli oracle Jackson Mthembu said categorically, once and for all. Ask the majorities who voted for the ANC seven times already. Do they all live in heaven or do they squat in hell? Is heaven full of potholed roads, squatter camps swimming on sewage, dysfunctional municipalities, corrupt potbellied politicians helping friends, comrades and their own families? Does heaven consist of crime-ridden streets, joblessness, hopelessness and abject poverty?
Clearly therefore, when Jacob, the son of God, likened voting for the ANC to going to heaven, he was only being metaphorical! My real and only fear is that unlike you and I, Jacob, the son of God, might not realise not only how truly metaphorical, but also how ironic and how dangerous his statements are.
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