Egoli or Isidingo ate your baby?

Since I’ve been confined to quarters with a strictly no-politics-until-the-operation policy, I’ve been forced – trust me – to watch all the television programmes that the government (Mrs Traps) feels are appropriate at this time. As some of my regulars may recall this is the same woman that force-fed me Big Brother Africa III, Idols and Oprah over the past year.

Anyhow, nothing in the aforementioned “fare” prepared me for the steady diet of daytime soapies that the government has prescribed as the cure for stress and over-exposure to the South African political drama. I mean what can one say about this stuff that hasn’t already been said about diarrhoea?

Have any of you lot watched Egoli, Isidingo or – my “best” – Daze of our lives?

Without Valoid?

In Daze they have a guy called Steven who wears an eye-patch (looks like a pirate — probably miscast from Big Brother Somalia) who had amnesia, disappeared before they somehow found him and then reunited him with his missus (who is as good as a mile) and family but he still can’t remember a thing.

What?

Then every second genius on the show is either having an affair, had an affair, thinking of having an affair or knows someone who is having an affair. I work with a gazillion people and I don’t know anyone who is currently having an affair or if they are they certainly don’t tell me about it.

What amazes me about the government is that she finds all this stuff “very juicy”. Bet if I came home with an eye-patch and told her that I’d just sorted out one of the secretaries I’d be spending the next year in a clinic only able to drink orange juice from a straw. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men wouldn’t have enough stents to put me back together again.

And every woman on the show is a belter and desperate to hop into the sack. If that was any reflection on true life then China and India would be the second and third largest populations in the world…behind Salem.

In reality the only famous Salem I’d ever heard of was the one in Massachusetts where they held the witchcraft trials in the 17th century. (Nope I’m not going to mention the government or her family – not while her mom’s broom is still parked on the roof anyhow).

Dear mother of all things holy…I am a 48-year-old man who has been taken prisoner and forced to watch soapies!

Roll on Tuesday let’s get this operation over already.

**I would also once again just like to thank all of you who wrote in and called, your kindness really has been a tonic.