Dear Aunty Traps

No matter what you achieve in life, you will always feel that you have missed out on something. For me, it’s not having my own agony-aunt column. I would kill for the opportunity to give the geniuses who write in a more balanced response as opposed to the garbage they get from women like “Dear Margo”.

Have a look at her latest question-and-answer column, which is rated as one of the 10 most-read stories on Yahoo! today.

You can only guess at the number of millions of wenners who read this and live their lives according to the Dear Margo philosophies.

Had I been afforded the opportunity to assist “Obsessed”:

Dear Obsessed (Karen Green of Lower Volta, Idaho, has kindly asked us — begged is closer — to withhold her name).

What you are saying is that this guy is having it on with you, his fiancée, the customers and anything else he can get his hands on — like it’s a bad thing. From where I’m standing this guy’s got it made. Please let us have more detail because whatever he’s doing has me beat hands down.

Of course you shouldn’t leave him! At least not until I have his approach figured out.

If you get jealous, try thinking of all the good things in your life, but remember — you can’t give us proper feedback if you’re sobbing and snorting. He’ll know you’re watching him.

Possibly a mild sedative — which doesn’t affect your handwriting!

Get a grip!
Aunty Traps

And of course we have the boastful “Aching Wife”:

Dear Aching Wife

What is it with you women?! My wife says I’m the worst lay she’s ever had — like you can tell all that in six seconds! Then she’s waffling on about the spots concentrated around my privates, which as far as I’m concerned is being a little rash/is a little rash … something like that.

I mean, what is the point of you coming on here and boasting about your hubby, the stud, when most of us don’t last long enough to get our pants off?

Oh, and you women are perfect — after sex having to listen to banter inane enough to sterilise a bunny on heat. Mind you, in your case you are probably asleep by the time your genius is finished.

A miffed Aunty Traps

Please feel free to send in your questions.