Best served before the Big Bang

I always thought that the “Big Bang” was the date that they stamped under cartons of food. Every time the government (Mrs Traps) serves us supper all the boxes are marked “best served before the Big Bang”, which considering that the Mark II is only starting in a tunnel beneath the Swiss-French border today, must mean the first one. Mind you she’s proved that there’s no danger to the planet from the black holes down the side and across the top; it’s more the rust and mould which can be fairly disturbing.

Last night she served her famous veal substitute — cheese. Char boiled (lovely lass, cleans and helps in the kitchen as well) and served on a bed of lettuce or something that closely resembles lettuce. Washed down with a very decent decilitre of Chateaux Meths Derivative 2007, which is apparently a Goodyear (on account of it tasting like the rubber off a car tyre apparently).

Anyhow, while I was trying to remove some of the lettuce-ish fare from my teeth I suddenly became aware that my youngest son Jordan was very quiet and withdrawn. Turns out that the most expensive experiment in history is being conducted in the CERN laboratory, in Europe, in terms whereof scientists are trying to recreate the split second after the initial Big Bang and plot the progress from there.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article4722261.ece

As all rumours among school children go, you take the worst possible scenario and you embellish on that. By the time they get home they’re totally convinced that homework and chores are irrelevant as they’ll no longer be here in the morning. And of course older brothers are born to ensure that their worst fears are mild compared to what’s really going to happen prior to their departing the planet, if such a thing exists by midday today.

Anyhow, I told Corporal Schweig (means — don’t speak now he’s listening — and will drop us in it at a family function), that he should cheer up and phone all his mates and bet them as much as they like that the Earth will be here in the morning. I figured what’s the worst they can do if he loses the bet?

Seemed to cheer him up no end.

Like many of you I’m sure, I then tried to read up on what all the fuss is about. I mean how bad could it be? All they were trying to do was set two protons on a collision path which, once achieved, about a month from now, would give us a far greater understanding of our beginnings and how the universe started out.

Of course if you read the Times of London article it cheers you up no end by cataloging how many times our geniuses have predicted that the end of the world is nigh. And you tell the kids today and they won’t believe yer …

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article4717864.ece

To me I can’t understand the problem with the experiment. There appear to be two major areas of concern. Firstly the safety of the planet and secondly the cost which runs into billions of pounds.

According to the majority of scientists concerned with the project, safety is not even an issue with tens of thousands of this type of collision having taken place on Earth without any ill effect.

The second being the cost at a time (when isn’t it?) when we could better spend the money elsewhere.

Set off against that is what we will learn about our planet and universe as well as all the scientific discoveries which have arisen as a result hereof.

Seeing as the Europeans are paying for it and there’s no danger (well at least not in terms of Corporal Schweig’s bet), I figured why not have a go?

What’s the worst that can happen?