I’m really looking forward to the internet blackout forecast for this week. It’s not that I hate the internet – I quite like it as a matter of fact – it’s just that I think we can all do with a little time offline sleeping or sitting in the sun or whatever it is we […]
Hansie Smit
Hansie Smit is a self-employed writer. He spends a lot of time in coffee shops tapping into free wi-fi making sure he buys a bran muffin every time to ease the inevitable guilt he feels getting something for free. Hansie received a Diploma in Copywriting from the prestigious AAA School of Advertising in Cape Town. He often picks up spelling mistakes in brand communication taking time out of his day to write to said brand to point it out. He does this free of charge. He's won a Silver Pendoring and almost won a Loerie.
For more of his stunning insight and weighted opinion, visit his website at www.freehance.co.za or follow him on Twitter @freehance
Posted inGeneral
E-tolls: Walking is, well, the way forward
I sincerely hope Cosatu marches those e-toll gates back into the earth where they came from next week. I really do. If there is one protest specialist capable of pulling it off it’s Zwelinzima Vavi and his red army. But I don’t think they’ll succeed. Not even with two million people. Looking at the size […]
Posted inGeneral
In pap we trust
I spent the last four months surrounded by tourists in the Transkei eating roughly 80kg of mielie pap at a rate of 1kg of pap per day. I ate the pap for breakfast. I ate the pap for lunch. I ate the pap for dinner. It was delicious. It was nutritious. I wouldn’t swop it […]
Posted inNews/Politics
Top destinations for the discerning asylum seeker
Excellent accommodation and relative peace and quiet — these are the things that appeal to discerning asylum seekers when they consider South Africa. Sure, we have the odd protest from time to time but unlike screaming rebels our revellers mostly sing and dance and the majority of the violence is directed at rubbish bins — […]
Posted inGeneral
Columnists Anonymous meeting this Friday
Columnists Anonymous will meet this Friday at 7pm in the Town Hall, downtown Jo’burg. Please remember to bring papers proving you were unfairly dismissed after merely speaking your mind on matters relating to race, religion or sexuality. An independent observer will go through the papers with you to see if maybe you’ve gone ‘too far’. […]
Posted inGeneral
What are these surfers talking about?
With the Jeffreys Bay Billabong Pro struggling this year in near-perfect weather I think it’s a good idea to explore the bizarre way these people talk to each other. As a Jeffreys Bay inhabitant myself I’ve had many conversations with surfers over the years and often walked away confused as to what the hell just […]
Posted inLifestyle, News/Politics
Michelle Obama visit: What to wear
Michelle Obama is in the country with her two daughters, Dolce & Gabbana, and their grandmother Yves saint Laurent. Hang on, that should be Malia and Sasha and their ouma Marian Robinson. Now see the mere fact that I made a mistake like that shows you with how much style the Obama ladies arrived on […]
Posted inLifestyle
But will Walmart sell boerewors?
I don’t know if I’m looking forward to shopping at Walmart. As a man I can shop for about 20 minutes max. After 20 minutes my heart rate goes up, my chest contracts and I start bumping into things praying to high heaven to keep me focused so I can get the hell out of […]
Posted inLifestyle
Steve Jobs crashed my job interview
Not too long ago a job interview was still a meeting between two people; one looking for a job the other looking for an employee. A friendly receptionist would offer you a glass of water where you sat waiting in the foyer trying to look intelligent reading Time magazine. Moments later she would show you […]
Posted inNews/Politics
Season finale — United States of Gullible
We open on a triumphant Saturday night White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Our hero, Barack Obama, trumps a toupee sitting in the audience with a birth certificate all the way from Hawaii. The toupee accused Obama of being non-American so we start the dinner with clips from Karate Kid and Hulk Hogan’s Real American song playing […]
Posted inGeneral
A tribute to Easter (sans bunnies)
Last time I went egg hunting was two months ago when Spar management surprised everyone and moved their eggs from next to the bread to the fresh produce aisle. They also ran a special on hot-cross buns that day which lead me to believe Spar thought it was Easter — in February. As I shopped […]
Posted inBusiness, Lifestyle
Vodacom is not red — Vodacom is dead
How dumb does Vodacom think we are? We know what Vodafone’s logo looks like. It’s a red pointy thing with a white circle around. I realise creative advertising sometimes leaves something to the imagination but slapping the word Vodacom on Vodafone branding and expecting us to imagine it’s still Vodacom is a bit much. The […]