Great moments in ANCYL auditing we'd like to see

“The new ANC Youth League under Julius Malema wants to wrestle control of the R120-million investment
company away from ‘old comrades’ who became ‘millionaires’ in the name of the young people,” reports IOL.

Apparently the ANCYL were furious when they were advised that “wrestle”, in this context, did not actually mean physically mutilating the old geezers concerned.

What bad luck!

Anyhow, it turns out that Lembede Investment Holdings, the league’s financial arm, has assets estimated at R120-million and yet somehow the organisation seems to have nothing to show for it. So they figured they’d do an urgent audit, dump the three members of the board and replace them with three fine fellows from the ANCYL. As youth league spokesperson Floyd Shivambu pointed out: “they wanted to get rid of faceless billionaires” (which he hopefully meant figuratively).

“Lembede is the league’s investment vehicle whose kitty has grown significantly over the years since 2000 — with a R5-million capital injection from the late controversial mining baron Brett Kebble. But the league wants an audit of the company’s finances, and its directors and board members to account for every business transaction entered into,” reports IOL.

Now imagine being the lucky auditing firm that swings this account. If it’s a Jewish firm they’ll be saying mourners Kaddish (prayer for the dead) as soon as the news breaks. Better yet, turning themselves in for tax evasion on the premise that a few years in jail has to be the kinder option. When their wives visit and ask what they’re doing there, they’ll reply: “It’s living”.

Mind you, you could send in a team of atheists on this one and twenty minutes along they’d be Jehovah’s Witnesses to a man.

For example, take the difference of opinion that exists between the outgoing administration and the current one: “Former treasurer Mqingwana had stated in his last financial report that the league generated funding from various sources including Lembede. During our term of office Lembede made significant contributions towards our revenue,” he said.

According to Mqingwana’s report, the league had generated an income of R7,4-million in the 2006/07 financial year. Its expenditure that year amounted to R7,2-million — leaving it with a surplus of R205 000 for the first time since its founding. But Shivambu is adamant that the league has yet to taste the fruits of their investments,” report IOL.

In other words the former treasurer says that Lembede was a major source of income for the league while the new group say that so far they ain’t seen nuttin’ yet!

And this is from the same set of books.

Now you, as the auditor have to go in there and explain to Malema, et al, why they are very much mistaken.

“Yitgadal v’ yitkadash …”

I can just imagine the report back meeting:

After an hour you’ve discarded the computers because they aren’t helping, the abacus because the guys at the far end of the table can’t see and split into smaller groups each with a Jehova’s Witness armed with some beans going: “Okay if I have six beans and I take away these two then what am I left with?”

A nervous tic?

Another great moment in South African auditing history.