Advice on the making of the world's largest cupcake (please)

On December 15 this year I am attempting a Guinness world record: the world’s largest cupcake.

Amazingly, nobody has thought to try it yet.

I have all the necessary forms and documentation, and the Guinness World Records authorities have given me the go-ahead. It will be a vanilla cupcake with green icing, 1m in diameter, and it commemorates (simultaneously) tea parties, Strange Nervous Laughter, the Guinness World Records book and Harry (one of my characters, who tries to get into the Guinness book by only eating green food).

The plan is to cut up this world’s largest cupcake and sell slices of it for charity (for an Aids orphanage in particular). At the same time, I’m hoping it will turn into a grand tea party (there’ll be tea, too, of course).

The irony of a diabetic baking the world’s largest cupcake is not lost on me.

But here’s where I need help. Advice, actually. There are a few little hiccups in my plan that I haven’t quite managed to overcome. Any advice (except that of the sarcastic variety) is welcomed:

1. Where does one find an oven to bake a 1m cupcake? I’m thinking a bakery. Do I have a misguided perception of the size of bakery ovens?

2. What does one cook a giant cupcake in? A metal tin? A large curry pot?

3. Will this lovely giant of a cupcake cook in the middle?

4. A cupcake has to be baked in a paper cup. What kind of paper will hold the (undoubtedly) many litres of batter?

5. Does anyone have any contacts in the flour/butter/sugar/icing sugar/eggs/milk fields? Don’t think my local Pick ‘n Pay will be up to providing me the necessary bulk ingredients for the world’s largest cupcake.

Now, those of you who are cupcake savvy will have figured out that it’s problematic having a 1m cupcake with icing only on the top (and that to put icing anywhere else, say in the middle, would be sacrilege to the name of cupcake). People would soon start fighting over who gets the top slices, and nobody would want to eat the dry middle.

I’m thinking we’ll have bowls of green icing for people to apply it as they wish. I’d also love to see bowls of Smarties (were one to enlarge hundreds and thousands, I think they’d look like Smarties).

Clearly, I’m in the beginning stages of planning here.

Advice, anyone?