What you can't see doesn't mean that it does not exist

Once upon a time in a land at the southern tip of Africa, there lived a people so adept at making the rest of the world scratch their heads until their hair fell out that it became known as the Kingdom of Alopecia.

Like most countries on the continent it had undergone a period of colonialism but that came to an end in 1961, when the white half of the kingdom decided, in a referendum, that it was time to go it alone.

Of course when the colours, other than white, asked to join in they were told: “No, genuine okes, when we said alone we really meant it and don’t let us catch any of you in our areas”. (Today, blacks have adapted this somewhat in that they don’t like to be touched on their studios).

This was called apartheid — or separate but equal development — with whites claiming the Transvaal, Orange Free State, Natal and Cape Provinces as theirs while blacks, coloureds and Indians shared Number 71, Sterling Avenue, 4th Avenue, Yeoville.

In order to ensure the non-whites did not move out of Yeoville, the new government, called the Gnats, implemented a whole raft of legislative measures designed at making it somewhat unattractive to “koer their moer”. Not that it became suffocating, mind you — simply that they covered every angle, eg: “No black while wearing a shirt and open-necked pant may be found breathing in a area designated for whites because why, because why crime are prevalent”.

These were underpinned by the Gnats taking control of, inter alia, the army, police, prosecutions and intelligence.

Of course, there is something very wrong with a system whereby a small minority of the country has everything while the vast majority live in abject poverty.

So the Gnats, humanitarians to a man, stepped back and asked themselves the following question: “How are we ever going to justify it?”

They then devised a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it.

What if nobody local was able to criticise it, knew very little of what was going on and the overseas opinion and influence was hidden from everybody?

Brilliant!

So they introduced censorship, which ensured that South Africans got to hear only what the Gnats wanted them to and went about imprisoning or killing off opponents of the system. In fact, answerable to nobody but themselves, they pretty much did whatever they wanted.

Everyone was delighted.

What?

Didn’t you read the papers?

They loved it.

REALITY CHECK: What you can’t see doesn’t mean that it does not exist.

While white South Africans went about their somewhat happy daily lives, there was pressure building on the Gnats. Financially, their policies, which were occasioning international sanctions, were becoming more and more unsustainable every year. That, together with the opportunity cost of not rejoining the planet — see our section on “North Korea: The joys of going it alone” — would have left the country lagging so far behind the rest as to make it almost beyond redemption.

So from the directors who brought you such moving moments (on account of many moving overseas) as Apartheid, Sharpeville and Crossing the Rubicon, came a movie so touching that the planet even bought it. Released in 1990, it contained extra dinosaurs so even the kids loved it.

Nelson Mandela
In courtroom in Johannesburg in 1964, Nelson Mandela told the judges that he had fought for — and was prepared to die for — a country free of white or black domination. Given the chance, he would make South Africa a multiracial democracy the world could be proud of.

The judges, humanitarians to a man, deliberated long and hard before delivering a decision which has become one of the leading precedents on international human rights: “Guilty”.

Why? Because why he are a black and crime are prevalent. (NB, don’t order copies. That’s it in its entirety. It’s very good).

So in 1990 when Madiba was freed, the white community was delighted because they knew everything about him through their censored press. In short, he could be expected to order the killing of every first-born white baby while leading a terrorist movement known as the ANC to bloodshed unparalleled on the continent … the rest of the country will be fine and mild-to-warm with scattered thundershowers over the escarpment. There are no Jackass Penguin warnings. Why? Because why Charl Pauw has left the building.

Then Mandela did the darndest thing imaginable. He went about creating a country free of white domination and black domination in a multiracial democracy the world could be proud of.

Who would have guessed?

Then Madiba gave way to former president Thabo Mbeki, who gave way to President Jacob Zuma.

The multiracial democracy was holding with plenty of teething pains along the way. Notably, there was the question of an arms deal with billions — that should have found its way to service delivery — going on weapons to fight the country’s arch enemy known as the … (suggestions on a postcard to PO Box 45, Yeoville, 8987).

Then of course there was other corruption which was becoming so prevalent that the government was forced to shut down the best anti-corruption unit in the country known as the Scorpions. But wait! The bloody press were now harping on about tenderpreneurs and corruption.

The reason why the media were going after corruption in such a big way was because service delivery was nowhere near where it should have been and communities across the country were rising up. Much of this failure was down to ineptitude and corruption.

There was a growing belief among ANC members that they were entitled to help themselves because they were, after all, the party of liberation. Where once had stood an elite class of whites, now rose an elite class of blacks. Deployment of cadres overshadowing affirmative action because it was not the best qualified black person but rather the party loyalist who gets the job. Where BEE is meant to empower a broad base of black businessmen, broad shall mean the width of the stomach of the elite few who get everything.

Of course there is something very wrong with a system whereby a small minority of the country has everything while the vast majority live in abject poverty.

So the ANC, humanitarians to a man, stepped back and asked themselves the following question: How are we ever going to justify it?

They then devised a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it.

What if nobody local was able to criticise it, knew very little of what was going on and the overseas opinion and influence was hidden from everybody?

Brilliant!

So they introduced censorship, which ensured that South Africans got to hear only what the ANC wanted them to and went about imprisoning or killing off opponents of the system. In fact, answerable to nobody but themselves, they pretty much did whatever they wanted.

Having ensured that the army, police, prosecutions and intelligence are secure they now implement a Protection of Information Act which entitles the media, this week only, to serve 15 to 25 years for transgressing it. An example of an infraction being the use of “state information” to show that billions of the country’s wealth which should have gone to the masses was used for arms, with kickbacks to all concerned.

This Act is to protect national security because if the masses don’t know they’re being robbed, they’ll feel more secure.

And if that is not enough, a media tribunal answerable to Parliament.

So if the journalists who are serving 15 years for telling the masses that the government stole their money is not enough of a deterrent, then the very people who are trying to cover it up will be overseeing a tribunal to sanction those newspapers who just won’t listen.

Reality check: What you can’t see doesn’t mean that it does not exist.

Once these draconian measures are in place the country will no longer get to hear about corruption, which will make it rampant.

The rising anger of the masses, more desperate from less resources becoming available, will also be hidden from local and international media, making people far more frustrated. This will be kept in check by the police and the army.

Where checks and balances were enforced under the scrutiny of the media they will now be ignored, allowing the damages of the inept to surpass even those of the corrupt.

With no outlet via the legal system, media or by way of protest, the enormous pressure building within the masses of the kingdom will ignite.

Then explode.