Zuma versus Shaik is just not chess

Nic Dawes fabulous article in the Mail & Guardian entitled Schabir’s gambit got me thinking that perhaps many of our readers don’t understand the chess terms being referred to in the discussions regarding President Jacob Zuma and Schabir Shaik.

What many of you don’t know is that just hours after paying tribute to former health minister Manto Tshabalala-Msimang in Pretoria on Tuesday the President, an avid chess fan, dashed to rural Nkandla in KwaZulu-Natal in order to attend a chess tournament.
Accordingly Zuma, known to be a strategist, would probably be using the skills and moves taught in chess to fashion a game plan in respect of Shaik.

What I have done is put the actual definition from the glossary of terms as set out in Wikipedia first and then in the next paragraph starting with a “Z” given what may have been the “application” of the move on the ground.

CHESS TERMS EXPLAINED IN Zuma-Shaik

Family fork, family check
A knight fork that attacks more than two opposing pieces concomitantly.

Z – Bear in mind that this is American. We spell “check” as cheque. So this would be loosely translated as Family Fork off with Family cheque. Possibly after a pardon.

Fifty-move rule
A draw may be claimed if no capture or pawn move has occurred in the last fifty moves by either side.

Z – Unfortunately pawn was captured (albeit released on medical parole) so the draw cannot be claimed. Of course the fact that the pawn keeps moving is what is proving troublesome.

Greek gift sacrifice
Also known as the classical bishop sacrifice, it is a typical sacrifice of a bishop by White playing Bxh7+ or Black playing Bxh2+ against a castled king to initiate a mating attack.

Z – Archbishop Desmond Tutu would do well to remember this classical bishop sacrifice the next time he ponders out loud about the merits and demerits of the Shaik situation.

A handicap (or “odds”) in chess
There are many kinds of such handicaps, such as material odds, extra moves (i.e. the weaker player can play the first x number of moves at the beginning of the game), extra time on the chess clock.

Z- Shaik already has a handicap (17 because the press won’t give him time to play regularly) so any additional moves may create problems. The moves he is making now are bad enough and if he carries on never mind not leaving the house he won’t be allowed to leave his bedroom.

Hanging pawns
Two friendly pawns abreast without friendly pawns on adjacent files. Hanging pawns can be either a strength (usually because they can advance) or a weakness (because they cannot be defended by pawns) depending on circumstances.

Z- While there was talk of Shaik being highly strung this is unavailable at this point in time. Besides the death penalty is such a controversial topic it would need a chapter of its own.

Irregular opening
Irregular openings are chess openings with an unusual first move from White. These openings are all categorized under the ECO code A00.

Z- See our section on “shot while trying to escape”.

Isolated pawn
A pawn with no pawn of the same colour on an adjacent file.

Z – Yep that’s the way we like him – totally isolated.

Kibitz
As a spectator, making comments on a chess game that can be heard by the players. Kibitzing on a serious game while it is in progress (rather than during a post-mortem) is a serious breach of chess etiquette.

Z- Making comments on former President Mbeki, Thint et al. Kibitzing during a parliamentary session will not land you a pardon (rather a post-mortem) It really is a serious breach of chess etiquette. (see also our section on “Extortion”)

Minority attack
An advance of pawns on the side of the board where one has fewer pawns than the opponent, usually carried out to provoke a weakness.

Z- If this is not enough to destroy your faith in Minority groups then nothing is.

Passive
A piece that is able to move to or control relatively few squares, also referred to as an inactive piece. See active.

Z- Preferably this piece will stay home and shut up. If not see Pawn Island.

Pawn island Pawn island
A group of pawns of one colour on consecutive files with no other pawns of the same colour on any adjacent files. A pawn island consisting of one pawn is called an isolated pawn.

Z- Previously known as Robben Island – you have been warned.

Poisoned Pawn Poisoned Pawn
An unprotected pawn which, if captured, causes positional problems or material loss. It is also a variation of the Najdorf Variation of the Sicilian Defence, where some players call White’s pawn on b2 a poisoned pawn since it is dangerous for Black to capture it.

Z – An unprotected pawn which, if captured, causes positional problems or material loss.

Prophylaxis
A move that frustrates an opponent’s plan or tactic;
A strategy in which a player frustrates tactics initiated by the opponent until a mistake is made.
Prophylactic techniques include the blockade, overprotection, and the mysterious rook move.

Z – Simply put it’s either Pawn island or Hanging pawns if this idiot doesn’t shut up.

Pseudo-sacrifice
See Sham sacrifice.

Z – See Hanging pawns

Smothered mate
A checkmate delivered by a knight in which the mated king is unable to move owing to it being surrounded (or smothered) by its own pieces. This could occur, for example, after 1.e4 Nc6 2.Ne2 Ne5, and now either 3.c3?? Nd3# or 3.g3?? Nf3#.

Z – A distinct possibility if this genius carries on talking to City Press and Rapport.

Sudden death Sudden death
The most straightforward time control for a chess game: each player has a fixed amount of time available to make all moves.

Z – See Hanging pawns who talk to City Press.

Tarrasch rule
Named after Siegbert Tarrasch, this refers to the general principle that rooks usually should be placed behind passed pawns, either yours or your opponent’s.

Z – Keep talking to the press and there will definitely be a case of “passed pawns”. It’s like the doctor told Shaik – “Are you not being too rash/isn’t that a little rash?…something like that.

Theoretical Novelty (TN)
A new move in the opening. Also called simply a “novelty.”

Z – Theoretical Novel is dealt with under the section headed “certain suicide by stabbing yourself in the head sixty times”. Pawn will not pass GO receive pardon or even visit Pawn Island. Things will just go bump in the night.