On air with Ryan Seacrest

Whenever I drive to or home from work during the week there is nothing I enjoy more than listening to 94.7 Highveld Stereo. It’s great fun because the last thing I need or want to hear at that time is some of you lot waffling on about politics on 702 or one of the other stations.

In the mornings it’s either Jeremy “Mannesfield” or — depending on the time — Alex Jay. In the evenings it’s either Revin John or Ryan Seacrest. In the case of the first three it’s pretty much of a muchness and most enjoyable. Lots of music and humour with the odd bit of news and weather thrown in.

Ryan Seacrest?

Here’s a transcript (or something close to what one would look like) of the show.

Hi you’re on the air with Ryan Seacrest and I want to tell you that you’re on the air with Ryan Seacrest and we are going to have a great show while you’re on the air with Ryan Seacrest like listening to music while you’re on the air with Ryan Seacrest and chat about the latest gossip while you’re on the air with Ryan Seacrest and possibly the odd advert while you’re on the air with Ryan Seacrest but enough about me, let’s talk about you, what do you think of me?

I’ve got to listen to this all the way home?

Are they shitting me?

What does this guy do when he’s having a bonk?

“Hi my dear you’re getting naaied by Ryan Seacrest … see how it’s swelling because you’re getting naaied by Ryan Seacrest, thanks for allowing me the mirror while you’re getting naaied by Ryan Seacrest, because only the sight of me excites me while you’re getting naaied by Ryan Seacrest … ”

Shit in your hat and punch it!

Recently — a true story — a guy was arrested for stalking Ryan Seacrest!

Was probably his neighbour trying to tell him that if he hears that name one more time he’ll smack his head until the snot goes brrrr.

Can you imagine working in that studio listening to some American woman trying desperately to sound sexy repeating “you’re on the air with Ryan Seacrest” over and over until your eyes bleed?

They probably don’t recognise half the staff with their wrists closed.

FFS if 94.7 want branding then get Russell Brand from the BBC!

I’d rather listen to a collection of “Ras Dumisani butchers the national anthems” all night than another half an hour of that gobshite.