When is a racist not a racist?

I was privileged to watch Abdullah Ibrahim’s trio perform in Artscape’s Opera House last Saturday. I have seen them perform several times and am always amazed at how talented all three musicians are.

But to watch an Abdullah Ibrahim performance requires concentration, which is probably why South Africa’s best jazz pianist refuses to perform at festivals where people are more interested in networking than listening to the music.

My enjoyment of the concert was marred, however, by a young African couple who were sitting in the front row, two rows ahead of me, with their small child who could not have been more than three years old. You don’t take a child of under three years out so late at night, especially not to an Abdullah Ibrahim concert, and as expected, the child got restless and made some noise during the concert, even though the parents tried to keep her quiet.

I watched an elderly white couple, who were sitting next to the African couple, getting increasingly frustrated and, I assumed from watching their interaction, at some point the white man asked the black man why he did not take the child outside.

When the concert finally ended just before 11pm – after starting just after 8pm – I witnessed a row between the white and African couples. The white man asked the African man why they brought their child out so late and to such a serious event, to which the African man responded: “You people might leave your children at home at night, but we take our children everywhere. And in any case, she likes music.” I cannot remember the white man’s response, but the African man’s response was quite wicked, essentially telling the white man (who was old enough to be his father or even grandfather) to “go home” and “leave me alone” in very strong language. He did not call him a racist but the insinuation was very clear to me. He then walked away in a huff.

As I watched all of this, I thought that the African man was probably going to relate this story to his friends in a way that would suggest the white man was racist and that is the only reason why he objected to the African couple having their baby with them in the Opera House. But if I was sitting next to them, I would have reacted in the same way. People pay a lot of money to witness an Abdullah Ibrahim performance, which must be watched in absolute silence because of all the nuances involved in the music.
To have to contend with a noisy baby is just not on.

I also thought that the young man’s disrespect to the older man was problematic from an African perspective. We try to teach our young people that they must respect older people, but does that respect only pertain to black people? Are older white people less deserving of respect? And since when is it a cultural thing for black people to take their children everywhere? Does it mean that this couple will take their child to watch an adult movie as well? Because surely they must know that Abdullah Ibrahim’s performance would be aimed at discerning adults.

Once again I found myself thinking that the young African man’s response was so typical in South Africa. When a white person criticises a black person, the black person immediately claims ignorance of cultural issues or pretends that it is racism. I think the white man was entirely within his right to raise his concerns about the presence of the baby at such an event. It is just a pity that he will probably think twice about raising similar concerns against black people in future.

What if, I thought to myself, the elderly couple had been black or African and the young couple had been white? Would their responses have been the same? And would I have read the same things into their responses?