Star Trek VIII: Wrath of the All Blacks

Spaced at finals a perpetual barrier, these are the voyages of the Southern Hemisphere rugby team the All Blacks – their 4 year mission ; to boldly choke like no team has choked before..

Captains Log Stardate 10/6/2007

We are currently on the surface of the planet Wales inhabited by those fecking Boyos, the setting for our current mission – Fleet command has ordered us to capture some frog-like creatures and, if successful, proceed to the planet Paris and war with the Pommy galaxy, if not, it’s home to much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Many of our crew are finding the air on this planet foul and hard to breathe. Reports of choking abound.

Our arrival in the sector referred to as the Millennium Stadium is greeted with hostility and I attribute this to our sudden appearence at warp speed or the fact that most of those boyos are fecking warped at the best of times.

Notwithstanding we stood our ground and signalled our intent on the battlefield with our war cry – the Haka.

The frog-likes were unmoved standing almost on top of us and breathing garlic fumes straight at us….the choking among the crew grew louder. Well it would do, what with the foul air and the garlic ….but I digress.

How proud I was of this team fairly bristling with proud New Zealand names like Rokocoko, Muliaina, Sivivatu, So’oialo….they fairly roll off the tongue. Mind you when we took the lead they converted to Clingons but alas the frog-likes weren’t having any of it.

Halfway through the battle we had led 13-3 through Daniel “I’m brilliant unless there’s pressure” Carter’s two penalties and a Luke McAlister trooi (that’s how they speak) with a single Lionel Beauxis penalty for the other mob.

Then, in the second period 2 events…cough I’m growing weaker as I type…choke…cough…which never happen to anyone else – Choke…first we had a crew member incarcerated for 10 minutes….cough… choke…wheeze…and the frog-likes were…choke…cough…choke…allowed a forward pass which choke….cough gave them a try and a 2 point lead going into the…er choke….final few minutes.

Then in the last minute cough…wheeze, Lucky Luke McAlister had the chance…cough…choke…to win it with a drop goal but cough …hack…cough…he…um…choke….

(This is where the log ends – Captain McCaw must have succumbed to the garlic)