You've got to love Australian rednecks

I’ll start off this discussion about the Australian version of a favourite stereotype of the white rural underclass, the redneck, with this disclaimer: yes, I know it’s politically incorrect.

Yes, I know that one should not make fun of people who drive pickup trucks with big engines that contribute to global warming and listen to country and western songs with sad lyrics and believe the Lord God really did create the world in six days, like the Bible says He did. By poking fun at their naiveté, lack of appreciation of irony and inability to relate to the complex discourse between viewer and work inherent in conceptual art, I am merely reinforcing existing class hegemonies and contributing to the self-satisfied superiority of the chattering classes.

But I’ll do it anyway.

Rednecks are traditionally associated with rural areas in the US, as well as the American South, where the term originates, but you will find them in South Africa and Australia too. Wherever you find them, rednecks exhibit common characteristics: they think mullets are stylish, they are mistrustful of city people and their gay communist ideas, and they ignore warnings from the surgeon general not to smoke or drink to excess or eat too much fried chicken.

The realisation that Australian rednecks – known locally as bogans – could give the Americans a run for their dollar was triggered by a news report, sent to the entire planning department by a colleague in Melbourne. I forwarded the story on to contacts in South Africa and Canada, and for you, dear readers, I will repeat in its entirety — it’s that good:

“A Mount Gambier woman has warned the community against cleaning lawnmowers and bedrooms while smoking.

Lauren Goldsworthy was treated for smoke inhalation on Wednesday afternoon after a lawnmower exploded in a spare bedroom of her home in Stafford Street. Ms Goldsworthy said she tipped the lawnmower over to clean it when fuel spilled out onto the floor. “I dropped my cigarette from my mouth and next moment there was this huge explosion,” she said. “The flames went into my face and scorched my hair and then it spread all over the room and burned my vacuum cleaner, the walls, the ceiling and some photos.”I tried my best to put the fire out; I grabbed loose carpets and threw them onto the fire, but the flames just kept spreading.”

Ms Goldsworthy said although she had been convicted of arson before, this time it was an accident. “I swear, this time I did not do it,” she said. “I was convicted of arson when I was 18 because I set fire to a curtain in the house to get help when I was being physically abused.”

Ms Goldsworthy said she wanted to warn others to be careful when cleaning lawnmowers. Metropolitan Fire Service South East regional manager George Rodis echoed her warning. “Please, no smoking when working with lawnmowers and certainly not inside the house,” he said. Mr Rodis said although most of the fire had been extinguished by the time he arrived on the scene, the blaze caused an estimated damage of $5 000.”

The story is completed with a photograph of Ms Goldsworthy posing with the lawnmower and the melted remains of her vacuum cleaner.

What makes the piece memorable is of course, the superb opening sentence — the scanned document sent to me was titled “Best opening paragraph ever” — the obvious stupidity of cleaning a lawnmower indoors and smoking around petrol, and the intriguing back story of a prior conviction for arson. The tonality is almost Onion-like in its perfection: the lack of judgment by the reporter, the repeated reference to “Ms” Goldsworthy. Then there is the uniquely Australian aspect, the presence of the lawnmower (for many years a symbol of the Australian lifestyle), as well as the need to be a responsible member of the community and warn others against making the same mistake.

Nanny statism creeps in even here.

This Mount Gambier blogger is slightly worried about the negative impact of the story on the image of the town, but that hasn’t stopped him from providing helpful links to others who have mentioned the story. One blog described the story as an unsuccessful attempt by Ms Goldsworthy to nominate herself for a Darwin award.

I will devote more space to discussing bogan culture (which is complex and multifaceted, and occasionally even affluent) in future entries. In the mean time, I hope you enjoyed the cautionary tale of Mount Gambier and do not smoke while you clean your mower in the spare bedroom.