Why most BEE types lead lives of quiet desperation

Not too long ago a friend of mine was telling me how difficult it is to be a man, especially today. He says he has not had a lot of fun over the last 10 years or so because he has not yet become a multi-millionaire.

Instead, he has been on a campaign trial trying to hook himself up with some people who know connected people and can connect him with other connected people in the right places of business, church and politics. He believes that there is a close-knit network and inside lobbying that makes it possible for one to be a multi-millionaire overnight, if you know the right people.

Over the last 10 years or so, my friend has been associated with all sorts of business consortia, economic empowerment deals, wheeling and dealing and other time-consuming schemes. But nothing has come out of it because his bank balance remains depleted. I told him that perhaps he should not bother chasing money because the best things in life are free.

After all, money will come to money when there is money. But I also know that this is a money-driven world and if you do not have money you are likely to lose your dignity and respect, especially among those who like to ask, “Who are you?” And we know that question mostly arises when you have gotten people’s attention by what you have and not who you are.

However, my friend was not impressed that I was trying to dissuade him from spending time and energy trying to become a multi-millionaire. As a result, he continues to miss out on cultivating friendships and other soul-nourishing relationships because all his time and energy is spent in meetings, meetings and more meetings. These meetings will never make up for the time that he has lost being away from family, friends and other people who do not care for his money in the bank.

Over the last nine years since former president Thabo Mbeki talked a lot about black economic empowerment, a lot of men have been misled to believe that money is everything. This is despite the fact there is only one pseudo-black billionaire. They spend all their time and energy either pursuing money or the things it can buy and just spending it to feel important.

These men believe that to make your way in the world you must be successful and a VVIP, you must have money. In fact, their gospel is that with enough money in your account you have got the whole world in your pocket. But then these men were not always like that. There was a time in their lives when they lived, worked, were exiled, imprisoned and died for high principles and ideals.

Their lives were about putting the interests of the country first and serving the people. Suddenly all these big plans of being servant to all don’t seem important any more. Instead they put Number One, first, and their greatest joy is being better than their neighbours or friends.

Thus I have realised that over the last 10 years I am not the only one who has lost a brother and a friend. In fact, even when he sees me at functions, I do not count for much because I am not a big-shot multi-millionaire whose company would make him feel important.

In this country friendship and family seem not to count for much any more. There are many people who will tell you stories of how we have become our worst enemies by destroying the only thing we have: love of family and friends.

In the end, nothing else matters more than family and friends. There is not enough money in the whole world that can buy you their love.