Why I won't talk to my wife in the morning

My wife and I no longer talk to each other in the morning. We’re just too busy wandering around the house with our mouths full of oil. We’re members, you see, of that little-known global community, the Society of Oil Pullers.

Laugh away, but oil pulling is catching on fast — and you didn’t even know about it.

Take a tablespoon of oil (we alternate between sunflower, coconut and sesame) and swish it around in your mouth for 15 to 20 minutes, pulling/sucking it between your teeth with slow, rhythmic movements, mixing it up with your saliva. Don’t try gargling with the stuff, ’cause you will swallow the yuk. Then spit it all out in the toilet and rinse your mouth out thoroughly.

The oils should have become thin, white and milky when you spew them out, or you haven’t pulled for long enough.

What’s the pay-off for pulling? Visit www.oilpulling.com to get the whole story. Basically, the belief is that the oil-and-saliva mix triggers enzyme activity in your mouth that starts to draw out toxins from the blood.

Does it work? Well my teeth are whiter, my gums feel stronger and, if it’s ridding my body of toxic waste, what a bonus. It sure feels good afterwards.

There are reams of testimonials and anecdotes about the benefits of oil pulling for a whole range of conditions from migraines and diabetes to arthritis, high blood pressure and more.

The nice thing about oil pulling is that no one gets rich. And no one gets hurt. And did I hear you say no one gets cured either? Well, maybe, but you’ve got nothing to lose — and the morning silences are blissful.