What happens on day 17

Today marks the end of the 16 days of activism for no violence against women and children. It is also International Human Rights Day commemorating the day that the UN adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. It is also … a Friday. Tomorrow will be a Saturday and then comes Sunday and then comes the rest of the year.

So what do we do then? Some of us will feel slightly relieved that we don’t have to feel overwhelmed by stories of abuse against women and children any more. It’s depressing to hear about police inefficiency, child abuse, child pornography and femicide. It is disheartening to know about the more than 60 000 cases of reported sexual offences between 2009 and 2010 which totals 6 every hour, or one every 10 minutes [and some NGOs estimate that the figure is as low as 1 in 9 rapes being reported making it more like one every minute].

But you know what? It’s depressing to pay tax too. And heaven knows we all talk about that all the time. It’s depressing to see a road-side accident. But most of us can’t help but look to see what has happened. There are some things that depress us but we cannot stop talking about them (Zimbabwe, Haiti, Eskom, Juju etc). So why don’t we talk about violence against women and children? Is it because it is simply too overwhelming? Or is it because we know that we’re part of the problem?

A week ago Yvette Abrahams from the Commission for Gender Equality asked the audience at the Wolpe Trust colloquium which of us had never solved a fight using violence. Nobody raised a hand to argue that they had never hit another person, or harassed someone, or verbally abused them. How many of you reading this have ever laughed at a rape joke? How many of you reading this forward on sexist emails? How many of you don’t go next door when you hear screaming and ask what’s going on? We sustain the culture that we fight. We are part of the cycle.

So I think what will be most important for the next 349 days is that we start looking at and talking about the incidence of violence against women and children in our homes, schools, workplaces, streets, communities and cities. We should start to ask ourselves how we play a role in sustaining this culture, and how we sustain the myths and norms that sustain violence against women.