I will not hide

By Tamlin Wightman

I recently read an article on the BBC News about rape and who is to “blame”. I’d heard of a friend or relative being raped but the victims themselves never told me and rarely spoke of the assault, unlike me — I will speak out. I’m looking back at my own reaction and trying to understand the ridiculous responses I and other victims have received.

I never once thought the survivor is to blame. I thought only how terrible it must be. I never questioned them — why they were walking home drunk or why they didn’t go to the police or why they wore a short skirt. These are not crimes.

It seemed obvious to me then and now especially that I too am a survivor, that no one wants to be raped. No one wants to be associated with being raped. The percentage that lies about it is minute, yet we are all treated like liars. It seemed to me that if someone (man or woman) wanted to rape, they would do it. They don’t only prey on the weak ones — the drunk, the shy, the sad, the lonely or alone — the strong are at risk too. Rapists are going to rape and just because they picked you does not mean it was your fault. They are to blame. They are the criminals. Nothing else matters! That is the crime.

I would never question a victim, why do you question me?

The second crime is how the family, friends or guardians react. According to the article and from my own experience it seems that people don’t want to be shamed by being associated with the rape so they deny it. They deny you. And this is the second trauma survivors endure.

I was shocked to see in a KTAR article that rape wasn’t illegal in Liberia until 2006 and how this little girl was shunned by her Liberian immigrant family. And, similarly, rape wasn’t illegal in Haiti until 2005. Even in the western world, the first world, victims are shunned. If we cannot change how others feel, we can at least change how we do.

For us survivors, we can either ignore the judgement or fight against it. When I read articles like these above I want to fly banners through the air for the world to see, outing rape, outing the truth. I want the girls and women and boys and men who’ve been raped not to end up on the streets or in refugee camps, as the KTAR article claims happens. I want victims to be held up on a throne as The Victor. The Fighter. The Survivor. As a soldier returned from war is received — with respect.

I want respect not pity. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. And so are my African and international counterparts. We should not hide.