Update: The Sumo, all cut up!

I published a blog called “The Sumo, all cut up!” two weeks ago where I took you through the horrible ordeal I experienced called a tonsillectomy, or “the worst pain I’ve ever felt”, as I fondly referred to it.

On that piece I went through my emotional states before and after the ordeal: the physical pain and mental anguish; also the high of incredibly strong pain killers coupled with the accompanying hallucinations. I also went through the inhumanities that I was exposed to and, in detail, the reasons that led to my making the decision, besides the obvious medical ones, to have a tonsillectomy.

Well, it has been about three weeks now after I made that ill-advised decision. It is almost all over now and I’m starting to believe that I actually made a smart decision by having the tonsillectomy. The operation itself left me exposed, physically and emotional, and led me to appreciate the simple everyday things that we take for granted.

I wrote that blog for your reading pleasure, but also as a record for myself as a reminder of what I went through and what I felt, so that lest I forget, I can always go back and review it — which would remind me that I should, in fact, take smaller bites of those little pork cocktail sausages or smaller sips of my draught in order to savour them to the maximum and give them my full respect and appreciation.

I just polished off a plate of pap, homemade chutney, gravy, spicy mutton wors and a range of vegetables to balance it all out. Yes, my dear friends, the Sumo is back to his TFA loading ways. For the past two days there has been a steady line of fast-food delivery cars periodically parking out side the Sumo’s house bringing gifts of all sorts of heart-attack-inducing lovelies. And the Sumo has devoured them all, greedily, appreciating each in turn, from deep-fried chicken and smoked pork chops to rotisserie and double cheeseburgers and chips, and let’s not forget the steady sides of circular delight — the pizza.

The Sumo has been a happy man lately, very happy, for he has been reinstated by the universe into his seat at the head of South Africa’s table of remote fast-food feasting via telecommunication networks. There’s no greater joy than realising that the person ringing at the door is the person bringing the latest in a long list of delights for your culinary enjoyment that you have periodically ordered throughout the afternoon.

There is still one snag, though: the food just doesn’t taste the same any more. I seem to be failing to get the full flavour of anything. The wors is not quite as spicy as I remember; the vegetables not as revolting, the gravy not as salty; and the tomato flavour in the chutney seems just outside the edge of my tastebuds’ reach.

Quite frankly, I’m terrified!

I’ve been steadily depleting the stocks of fast food in my neighbourhood in the hope that this situation will improve, that I can get that old flavour feeling back, but I am sad to admit that I am failing and I am terribly concerned about this whole disposition. As you know, the Sumo would no longer have anything to live for if his second-most-loved pleasure, eating, is taken out of his repertoire.

Fermented beverages will remain, sure, but what’s draught without chilli biltong sticks? What’s a good cabernet sauvignon without a perfectly aged sirloin? What’s a great chardonnay without fish and chips? This scenario is as undesirable as Pirates without Chiefs, Mayweather without De la Hoya or T-Boz without JayZee — there’s just no order, no balance, no melody, no uMshini! It’s unnatural.

As you can see, this has got to stop if the Sumo is to regain his sanity and order can be restored to the universe. Clearly this situation cannot go on. I’m going to go try to have a double cheeseburger and chips now and see what happens. If I cannot taste that, I guess I’ll have to have oxtail and mash later on just to make sure that the condition persists — and if it does persist past today, I am calling the surgeon and he’d better have a very good explanation why the Sumo can no longer enjoy the fruits of the fast-food industries’ strategic marketing.

I rest
The Sumo