The police, Mr Fivaz and my mother's crime wave

I am afraid the mayor of Cape Town is not alone in feeling the South African Police Service is a bit … shall we say, fantastically incapable? Unbelievably incompetent? Perhaps you feel I go too far. I do feel I have been pushed over the edge.

It wasn’t the housebreaking and theft of virtually all of our domestic worker’s belongings out of her house, including the kettle, three months ago (no arrest). Nor was it the theft of my bicycle, last month (no arrest). Nor was it the snatching of my mom’s purse from her, three months ago, while she was chatting to a neighbour on the pavement. She caught the guy round the corner, with the help of some security guards. Go, Mom!

Nor was it the theft of my parents’ Weber, the attempted theft of their car, a prowler breaking the locks on their outside room door; not even when a guy conned his way into their garden and then broke through burglar bars to steal some electronic stuff.

In fact, the thing that finally got me was the last housebreaking and theft from my folks, where my mother’s purse was stolen. Well, it wasn’t actually the theft that drove me doolally, but the fact that my mother tracked the stolen credit card’s usage, using the bank information, and found a retailer who had CCTV footage of the perpetrator and his car. And gave it to the detective working on the case. And they still couldn’t catch the guy.

What do you have to do? Should one call in a private eye, as so many municipalities appear to have done? The client list of Fivaz and Associates at local government level seems impressive. Can I hire them?

I could, I suppose, but between the armed-response company already monitoring our alarm and the electric fence we installed for my parents, we just don’t feel that rich right now. Of course, we could join the Police Forum.

In fact, the acting station commander suggested that when my mother asked him to increase police patrols in the area, during this mini crime wave. I called him and explained that she didn’t need to join the forum; she just wanted increased police patrols in the area. He answered he would ask the guys to do him a favour.

When I asked, genuinely confused, if he was not senior enough to give them a command, he explained that he was, but they didn’t have enough vehicles to be able to promise to go and do things like patrol. Well, after some spluttering from me and the mention of recent case law on liability for negligence by the police, and mention of the ICD, he came around to my point of view. They increased patrols.

I have been part of far too many conversations in the suburbs where complaining about “crime” is code for rascist pessimism. I really don’t want to become part of that whinge.

But really, if I got a death threat, would I go down to the local cop shop? When I gave my statement about my bicycle being stolen, the agony was dreadful. It took 45 minutes to get down half a page of statement, and I just couldn’t keep correcting the spelling. If I ever have to appear in court based on that statement, I will have to just say I was suffering from some disease that prevents you from being unkind. The constable was incredibly friendly, and I wish him well, but it seems I have to go to Mr Fivaz if I want results. If only I could afford him.