The joys of opposition politics (part II)

(Disclaimer:Work with me here and pretend that my original piece was called “The joys of opposition politics”. I think it’s a neater, snappier and more sarcastic title than the original.)

“DA slams Manto’s Baragwanath visit” screams the headline in the M&G Online. The quintessential spear-chugger rarely ever gets an opportunity to stick his tongue out at his detractors and go: “Ha ha ha, your street gang is funny.”

Only last week I wrote a lengthy piece mocking DA spokesperson Sheila Camerer for her “severe … slap on the wrist” gem on the JSC-Hlophe matter. It did not sit well with some non-DA-members, who accused me of many crimes. Apparently my piece was meant to convey the following:

1. The ANC government is perfect and doing a really good job.
2. The DA should close shop and Zille and co should wander the streets of Wynberg protesting against the rampant unemployment over there.

Just for the record, I do not believe any such thing. Thank God we live in a country with a watchful, tenacious (albeit often overzealous) and vibrant opposition. As soon I see either The General, Patricia or Zille’s image on a newspaper front page, I know something good is about to happen. Good times. Entertainment is certain to follow. The reverend with the oil slick on his head is much more entertaining than this trio, but he’s taken a bit of a back seat since his reason for living, the gay parade, was rained out last month.

As for me believing that the ANC government is doing a sterling job? Hardly. Too much of the really good work being done (ask any village dweller about water, electricity, access to social grants and roads) is being undone by some seriously shoddy work elsewhere — (cough!*home affairs*cough!*correctional services*cough!). If my daily experiences with government institutions are anything to go by, then our ministers need to kick some major butt — which brings me to the point of this latest opposition-mocking exercise.

On national Women’s Day this year, the DA leader in Parliament made a speech in which, among other things, she tackled the badly timed and ill-advised (I humbly submit) firing of Mrs Nozizwe Madlala-Routledge.

(Let’s ignore for one second that the former deputy health minister was fired for taking an unauthorised overseas trip, an act that had elicited rabid condemnation from the same said DA a little more than a year-and-a-half ago when it had been Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka’s turn to soar the skies on the fumes of the gravy plane.)

The condemnation was dripping with my new favourite thing: righteous indignation. There was something decidedly ACDP-ish about the sanctimonious article, including quotes from scriptures: “The Bible says: ‘By their deeds, ye shall know them.’ (Matthew 7:16).” Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Sorry, I meant: “Teecky-hee-hee-teecky-hee-hee.”

In the Women’s Day speech, Sandra Botha had this to say about the difference in approach between the health minister and her (then) deputy: “While Madlala-Routledge rightly dubbed the dire shortages and resultant deaths at Frere hospital ‘a national emergency’, the minister responded: ‘No Frere babies have died at the hospital because of acute shortages of equipment.'”

Fast forward a few weeks and the embattled whisky connoisseur … er, that would be the health minister, is faced with another potential Frere situation at Chris Hani Baragwanath. Let’s assume that the minister has learned from her Frere denialism as a result of the excellent opposition of, among others, the DA.

Now, close your eyes and let’s imagine the minister in that motorcade headed for Bara. Let’s pretend she’s sipping on mineral water for the purposes of this exercise. Let’s assume she’s livid at the hospital management that, according to this article, has mismanaged the hospital’s funds, spending almost as much of its R1,1-billion budget on acquiring furniture as it did on purchasing new medical equipment. And it spent R2-million more on making phone calls, ostensibly to order the recliner chairs. Saving lives is a tiring business, you know.

If the article is to be believed, the Gauteng MEC had already delivered the cribs needed to ensure that no babies in the greater Soweto area are christened “Nampak” any more. So I imagine that the minister, full of positive spirit, good intentions and mineral water, must have been in the throes of a fit of the good stuff … you know, righteous indignation. I imagine that she had a stash of KY jelly inside her ministerial limo, to ensure that her foot went deep inside all the backsides she intended to kick.

I imagine she must have been quite deflated upon reading the DA spokesperson’s response to her butt-kicking ways. Apparently she had displayed “arrogance and an evasion of blame” on her visit to Bara. I guess she should have organised the cribs, did her version of the Nozizwe Frere visit, kicked some butt and organised a priest for a public confession for her own role in the furniture-for-cribs situation at Bara. A politician who admits wrongdoing. Imagine that. Maybe she should have looked at the situation, hugged a few nurses and had an Oprah-and-her-studio-audience bonding session. Yet somehow I think the DA statement would have contained the words “the minister failed to hold anybody accountable” somewhere in there.

Am I saying that the DA is a bunch of irrational career whiners and nags? No. Like I said up there, I sleep better at night on the DA’s watch. God bless Zille, that scowling woman. I was perusing the DA’s site in my lazy, half-arsed “research” for this piece. There is some good stuff in there among the “opposition for the sake of it” stuff. Heck, I even saw its alternative budgets for the 2004 and 2005 fiscal years. Now that’s what I call proactive opposition.

Hey, why am I explaining myself? This isn’t even really about my favourite street gang to mock at the moment. It’s about the pitfalls of the righteous indignation that are woven into the fabric of opposition politics. A case of you’re damned if you do and you’re right royally stuffed if you don’t. I bet you the ANC will probably do the same thing when it becomes the opposition — after the Second Coming, if JZ is to be believed.

I look forward to all the insightful comments and emails explaining to me the nuances and technical differences I am glossing over in my comparison of the Frere and Bara situations. It’s all part of the learning curve as I try to understand these complex political matters.

Go.

[email protected]