Thanks Santana, for spoiling the homecoming

And so a week that started so well — with hype, hope and a fair sprinkling of glamour — ended rather limply, with Bafana showing all the attacking promise of a newborn gazelle charging a pride of lions.

I mean, really, what was Santana thinking? You have millions glued to their seats, thousands crammed into the stadium, but you proceed to serve up the most inept show of tactical awareness seen on these shores since the Proteas buggered up the Duckworth-Lewis in 2003!

Iraq didn’t looked interested in even visiting our box, yet our jewel of a Santana decides to stick with three central defenders. And then, just to really confirm his worldly wisdom, he comes up with this pearler.

“We had safety and security.” Gee, Joel, if you didn’t know, Mshini Wam’ took care of that and numerous other matters of concern just last month. What we needed was someone to help Teko create some chances to get past the Iraq keeper — and Bernard Parker!

Instead we were treated to Benson Mhlongo impersonating a security guard in a gated community. What on earth was the point of that? And what of Spain, the undisputed best in the world at the moment? Well, when someone scores a hat trick in about the same time we (Bafana) take to wrap up our national anthem, you know we are in for a lesson-and-a-half when we face the magnificent side handled by Vicente del Bosque.

And to think, there was no Iniesta, the baby-faced assassin from Barcelona. The paella boys piled in five goals, then decided to dish up a kickabout for the last half-an-hour. At least they have a semblance of mercy about them, because they could have really racked up a cricket score.

Speaking of which, how miserable must it be being a Kiwi right now?

Your All Blacks get sacre bleued at the House of Pain, the Black Caps get wiped out by Umar Gul, then just to really ram the point home, the All Whites get a diski lesson in front of the whole world.

In the words of many a Sundowns supporter this past season: “Eish! Ijampile!” (It has hit the fan).

Anyway, the Confederations Cup has well and truly landed on our shores, and I for one am thrilled. For crying out loud, Kaka — the world’s most expensive man for about five minutes last week — he is right here, Emzansi.

And he is about to warm up our winter like it has not been done before.

To be honest, I still rate him better than Ronaldo. Forget the quite ridiculous difference in their transfer fees, the boy from Brazil will do more for Madrid than that pin-up from Portugal.
For one, Kaka will seek out the best way to the goal — even if it does not involve him scoring. Kaka has vision, and it is not merely restricted to checking himself out in the mirror.
Watch this space, because he will outshine even Ronny’s bling-blinging diamond earrings.

Florentino Perez obviously lives in a space where the words crunch and credit do not work together, because his spending spree last week put even Khanyi Mbau’s Sandton sprees to shame.

Although, in light of Miss Mbau’s recent troubles, I would like to think that even my weekly shop at the supermarket might rival her spending power as we speak. But that really is moving away from the matter at hand this week.

It is shaping up to be another colossal weekend for armchair experts across the country. The climax of the T20 — where we can hopefully lay to rest our champions of choking moniker — the first Test against the British Lions and the final group games in the Confed Cup.

Never mind the small matter of the US Open to wrap up the weekend nicely. And all this on Father’s Day weekend?

Well, someone upstairs is really looking out for the men around the world …